If Gay Men Marry Your Girlfriends, Will Bi Guys Do It Too?

Jay told me about this video called “Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends.” It’s this video where all these gay guys claim that if gay marriage isn’t allowed, they will respond by marrying straight guys’ girlfriends. If you haven’t seen it, you can check it out above. It’s pretty funny.

The gay guys go through all the reasons why they would make better husbands than straight men. For example, they dress better, they can cook fancy breakfasts, they like to go to art galleries, and so on…

The video got me thinking… since I’m dating a bi guy, I should be entitled to at least some of the perks of dating a gay guy- let’s just pick a number at random; I’d say about 50%, give or take. Seems fair, right? I brought this up to Jay, and pointed out that he doesn’t do any of the stuff that the gay guys in the video brag about. He countered, saying that in fact he does a lot of it. So I’ve taken it upon myself to go down the list and figure out if I would in fact be better off with a gay guy. Let’s  have a look:

1. Being ripped/working out all the time. The gay guys explain that all gay men are in great shape, even though it does not seem statistically possible, because gay men love going to the gym. In fairness, Jay is also ripped and loves going to the gym. The only thing he loves more than going to the gym is… going to the gym when that random tall brunette guy asks him for a spot. #lame. #orhot. #imnotsure.  So fine. One point for Jay.
Jay: 1/ Sydney & Gay Men: 0

“We will got the gym… and after get Pinkberry as a reward”

2. Dressing better. Jay doesn’t dress badly, but he’s a far cry from fabulous. Even he admits this. He says that gay men judge him for it. As  they should.
Jay: 1/ Sydney & Gay Men: 1

“While you were busy spilling manwhich on your cargo shorts, we were inspecting our oxfords…”

3. Making quiche for breakfast. With a side of hummus. Made from scratch. Jay has never made me quiche. Pretty sure he doesn’t know how. I’m not really sure if he can cook or not, but I think he can’t. He pointed out that I don’t even like quiche, and I was impressed that he remembered that, but this contest is not about remembering things.
Jay: 1/ Sydney & Gay Men: 2

“Do you even know the difference between hummus and babaganoush?”

4. Wanting to go out dancing. Alright, so Jay loves dancing. This is actually a super easy date we can both agree on.
Jay: 2/ Sydney & Gay Men: 2

5. Wanting to see Broadway shows. Jay responded to this one saying, “Dude, I’ll go to theatre shows or whatever. I’m totally down for that shit.” Not expressed as articulately as the gay guys, but I guess he technically agreed, so one point for him.
Jay: 3/ Sydney & Gay Men: 2

6. Listening to girls for hours and reassuring them the other girl is the one being a bitch. Jay would probably do this if I wanted to tell him about my friend problems, but I don’t. Most of my friends are guys, and I can see for myself when they are being bitches, no reassurance needed. I think this one’s a draw.
Jay: 3/ Sydney & Gay Men: 2

7. Two guy three-way. We’ve never done this, but I feel like if we did, Jay would just complain the whole time. (That it was too crowded, or the air conditioning wasn’t on, or… whatever).
Jay: 3/ Sydney & Gay Men: 3

“And the kind of threesome she wants? Oh, we’re cool with that.”

I didn’t plan this, but it actually worked out exactly 50/50 (or 3/3, I suppose). So that settles it. Ladies if you are looking for a step up from straight, but not ready to go full gay, might I suggest a bi guy? If you can find one that makes quiche, you’ve even got me beat.

Survey Preview: Bi Guys Do Have More Fun

I have gotten a lot of support for the survey, and I have already learned a lot about bi guys from looking at the wide range of responses I got. I do not want to release the results yet, since I am still trying to get more representation for certain groups, but I did want to share one result that has made me really happy.

While I was thinking of questions for the survey, I asked Jay whether he would still pick to be bi if he could choose between bi, gay, or straight. Apparently, that was an easy question for him- he said he would definitely still want to be bi. I thought that would be his answer, but I also thought he would have to think about it a lot. After all, he has complained about the many trials and tribulations of being a bi male: women don’t want to date you because they think you’ll cheat with a man; men don’t want to date you because they think you’re gay and not ‘out’ yet; one of the doors on your car doesn’t unlock automatically any more (What? Bi men have to deal with this too. I mean, it’s not caused by their sexuality, but it’s still an issue…) Point being, I was pleasantly surprised that Jay was so certain he would still pick to be bi if he had the choice.

I asked him why, and he said, “Come on, it’s way more fun to be bi.” Can’t argue with that.

So, you can imagine that I was equally please when I looked at the survey results, and saw that so far the overwhelming majority of guys who participated  would still pick to be bi. How awesome is that? #worthit

Straight People Problems

Problem 1: These cupcakes were not made for you

It’s no secret that the LGBT community faces a lot of issues: discrimination, misunderstanding… deciding whose going to top. It got me thinking: what kind of problems do straight people have? Sure the world can be easier for straight people, but there must be downsides to being straight as well.

So I tried to come up with some. These are not all problems that I have personally faced. And these are not problems that are exclusively faced by straight people. But I think if you took this list around to a bunch of straight people, they would say, “Hey, yeah…that is a true!” I mean, lets face it, being LGTB looks pretty damn fun sometimes, and sometimes we straight people are left out in the metaphorical cold.

• Boring parties. Freshman year of college I was friends with all the gay dudes in my year. I went to every party they threw, and I will tell you, it got CRAZY. They had the best music, and the best dancing. They had leather parties, they had rainbow parties, they had parties where everyone was in camouflage printed underpants, and I wasn’t even sure why. Straight people parties are fine I guess… if you like 80s night over and over again. And it doesn’t end in college. When I was in San Francisco, I saw these posters for some event with burly dudes wearing no shirts (I think it was some ‘bears’ thing). That’s what gay adult men in San Francisco get invited to. Shirtless burly men events. #fun. #awesome. Meanwhile I’m getting invited to a charity auction where the main activity is a trivia contest about the companies that donated to the fundraiser. #thisisnotajoke

• Not realizing that you don’t have to have a baby. Take my parents for example. They probably should not have had kids (they were in no way prepared for how terrible I’d be). But since they were married and had a nice house, kids was just the next step on the straight people path. On the other hand, I think the idea of not having kids has at least occurred to most non-straight people.

• Not knowing what “queer” means. Seriously. Corner a straight person and ask them to define it. Fifty bucks says they get it at least a little bit wrong.

• Not being able to get a tattoo. I swear, this is a thing. A really good gay friend of mine got a tattoo. We were both in the same program at school, and both trying to enter relatively conservative fields. But he pointed out that since he was openly gay, he had already ruled out working for/with extremely conservative people. Therefore the tattoo wasn’t going to do any more damage. I, on the other hand, had to maintain a more uptight persona in the hopes of keeping all my career options open. Blessing and curse, I guess.

• Always knowing who’s going to ‘top’. Spoiler alert, it’s the guy. #Boring. Well, I guess it doesn’t HAVE to be the guy but…We straight people usually don’t get the fun of picking which role we want. And it’s just not fair. That seems like so much fun…

• Not being able to pronounce the word ‘dachshund’. This has nothing to do with being straight, I just happen to know that some straight people can’t pronounce this word. Me, for example.

• Straight Guilt. Think back on all those times in 6^th grade when you said, “That’s so gay!” Yeah. You’re an asshole.

• Wondering if maybe you’re not straight, but then having that voice in your head say, “Yeah, nice fuckin try”. Lets face it, most straight people have been at least a teeny tiny bit attracted to someone of the same sex, even if its only, “Oh, she looks really nice in that sweater.” But if that’s all it took to claw your way out of the straight box, then there would be no straight people. And this is when that voice in your head says, “And clearly there are straight people. And you’re one of them. Nice fuckin try.”

• Harder to have sex in a public restroom… probably. I have never attempted this, nor do I want to. But it seems like a same sex couple would have an easier time at least getting into the same restroom.

• Having to go to separate locations for candy and condoms. At my school they have this LGBTQ community center and I swear that place rocks. It’s so nice, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. They have couches to lounge on, pamphlets magazines about LGBTQ issues to read, and postcards advertising upcoming events and parties. On the coffee table, they have this giant bowl of condoms right next to this giant bowl of candy. And it’s the good kind of candy, like snickers and mini crunch bars- the expensive stuff. For straight people, condoms are located at the health center, so you can be reminded of how shitty you are for not getting your flu shot yet. And candy is located at the vending machines. Enjoy not having enough quarters.

Debate About Revealing a Partner’s Bisexuality

I assumed that it was 100% public knowledge that Jay was bisexual. When we first met, he told me he’s very open about it. I assumed that meant it didn’t matter if I told other people about it, but apparently I was wrong, and we got into a little tiff about this. Here’s how it happened…

A few weeks ago, a guy that Jay used to date invited us to this ‘event’ at a club (lets call this guy Brad). At first I thought it was just clubbing, so I was planning to invite a bunch of my other friends. But the more they discussed the event, it sounded like something beyond ‘just clubbing’. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but I managed to gather that there would be men dressed in women’s clothing, so I thought to myself, “Hm, I better not invite all my conservative friends, and possibly freak them out, since I don’t know what this is.”

We went to the event, and it was really fun. People were dressed kinda crazy, but overall, nothing unreasonable was going on. I figured that I’d bring some of my friends next time. In the mean time, the group I was with all took pictures of ourselves having tons of fun, and put them up on Facebook. 

The next morning, one of my best girl friends, Leslie, texted me, saying, “Blah blah blah, why didn’t you invite me last night? Blah blah blah I always invite you…” Yeah. She was pissed. Apparently that venue was somewhere she goes to all the time and loves, and she was really mad that I went there without inviting her. I know. I’m the worst person in the world. Whatever.

I figured I would try to explain that I didn’t plan the outing, and also why I didn’t invite her: Brad, Jay’s ex, this little gay dude, planned it and I didn’t know what it was until I got there.

The problem is Leslie doesn’t know Jay is bi. So that makes explaining his gay ex a little hard. I could have crafted a way around those details, but I figured the story would be easier to tell if I just explained the whole thing.

So I texted Jay and asked if I could tell Leslie he was bi. At first he said, “Yeah, sure.”

Then he added something like, “As long as she wont think I’m actually gay.”

I told him that she would more likely think he was actually straight… I don’t remember the details, but that lead to a discussion of whether she would believe he was bi or not. I admitted I wasn’t sure what she would think, and then Jay said, “Never mind, I don’t want you to tell her.”

“Why not? You tell strangers.”

“Because this is different. It’s your best friend-“ (Jay was wrong about this, Nora is my best friend, but that’s not important to this story…) “And she’s going to try to convince you that guys can’t be bisexual, and that I’m going to end up gay.”

I didn’t see the problem with that. Leslie has tried to convince me of a lot stupider things before (like that putting a caramel apple in a Ferragamo handbag would not ruin the bag [or the apple] if it was only in there for a few minutes). I have no problem fully disregarding advice that Leslie gives me.

However, Jay explained that Lesley’s opinion of his sexuality was not the problem. “The problem,” he said. “Is why you are telling her.”

I was confused. As far as I knew, I was telling her to get her off my back about not inviting her to some stupid club. But Jay thought differently.

“You are telling her,” he said, “For the same reason you told Max and your mom; because you weren’t sure about dating me, and you wanted their advice. And you’re still not sure, so you’re asking Leslie to help you decide whether it’s a good idea.”

I literally rolled my eyes at this. “Listen,” I said. “I never ask my mom for advice; that’s why we aren’t close. And as for Max, he has the good sense not to try to tell me what to do, which is why we are close. I can assure you that telling them about your sexuality had nothing to do with trying to get advice on whether to date a bisexual guy.”

Eventually Jay admitted that he believed me. He explained that he’s had issues in the past with girls blacklisting him because of his sexuality. Fine. Fair enough. Whatever.

But he also explained that I should not have just assumed it was okay to disclose his sexuality. This was very personal information, he explained.

“But its on your facebook,” I argued.

“Well then people can look at my facebook and ask me about it. But you can’t just assume you can go around telling people.”

“Well how am I suppose to know all these rules?” I said.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s no handbook of bisexual men. There’s no ten commandments for dating bi guys,” I said. “How am I supposed to know what I can tell people and what’s a secret? I can’t know what’s socially appropriate when it comes to bisexuality.”

“It’s the same as being gay. You can’t just go around telling people someone is gay.”

“No,” I said. “It’s not. If we were a gay couple, everyone would know just by looking at us, and there would be no need to tell my friends. It is different.”

“I don’t know,” Jay finally said.

********

So here is my question to all you readers out there; what are the rules for disclosing someone’s bisexuality? Is it a faux pas to ‘out’ them? Or does keeping it a secret mean you are ashamed? 

Bicker Bicker Bicker…

I try not to say anything bad about Jay on this blog. I realize many people are not familiar with bisexual males, and that for some people, reading this blog might be the only exposure to bisexual males they get. I feel I have a duty to portray Jay as perfect, otherwise readers might think things like… “I guess all bisexual men get too drunk at their girlfriends charity Halloween event.” Or “Oh I guess all bisexual men get too jealous about their girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.” And that would be unfair to all the sober, confident bisexuals out there, who don’t do any of these things.

I recently realized, however, sweeping Jay’s faults under the rug might not be the best idea. For one thing, it could encourage the idea that he does not actually exist. (Yes, I have been accused of fabricating Jay.) I mean, if a girl was going to invent a fantasy boyfriend, wouldn’t she make him perfect? Tall, handsome, athletic, funny… Yes, Jay is all of these things, but that’s only hard to believe because I never talk about the ways in which he’s a pain in the ass. He is not perfect. And I cannot take credit for creating Jay; that credit goes to his parents, copulating in the early 90’s.

The other reason it might be good to reveal some of Jay’s faults is that it would show they have nothing to do with his sexuality. For any girls out there, worried about getting into a serious relationship with a bi guy, it might help to know that the things that have made my relationship difficult are none of the things that girls seem to be paranoid about when it comes to bi men. What if he looks at men? What if he watches gay porn? What if I’m not enough for him because I don’t have a dick? What if I have to compete with twice as many people now? I can honestly these things haven’t become an issue between Jay and me. Sorry to disappoint, but the things that will get on your nerves could very well be the mundane things that make relationships suck in general.

There was one more reason that I never told stories about Jay’s annoying behaviors, that’s because it’s boring. Using this blog to bitch about my boyfriend would just be stupid and no one would give a crap or want to read it. I feel like its morally wrong to be that self indulgent. When I write anything (not just this blog) I remind myself “Hey Sydney, no one cares about your stupid problems.” But today I’m going to take on the challenge of writing an interesting, relevant entry about a little fight I had with Jay. Here goes:

It all started Sunday night, when Jay texted me to say he hadn’t gotten a job he applied for. I was appropriately supportive and comforting, telling him he was qualified and that job searches are a long process. But he was in one of his moods, and didn’t want to let it go. He started accusing me of leading him on, and wasting his time by telling him that he was qualified for that job. According to him, I should have told him the truth: that he sucked way too much for that job and he should not have bothered applying. I’m going to pause for a second, and say that I know for a fact this is not what I should have told him, because I (stupidly) have told him that before. And it did not go over well. He was complaining about his grad school aspirations, and I said, “Well maybe it’s not for you.” To anyone less emotionally retarded than I am, what happened next is probably obvious: he had a complete fit and said he couldn’t believe I didn’t believe in him.

So you can see why I tried to be optimistic about this job. Furthermore, I wasn’t being dishonest; he was qualified for the job. They just didn’t hire him. Sometimes that’s how it goes.

Anyway, long story short, we had a nice 2 hour bicker over the phone, and at the end of it, I realized I was exhausted. Not just exhausted by the fight, but exhausted by him. And so I told him we needed to take a break from seeing each other.

Don’t panic, we didn’t break up. I just needed space to work on some things without the emotional drama of a relationship. I also wanted to give Jay some time to reflect on why he has been so moody lately. (To all the haters out there, this is the perfect moment to say its because he’s gay. Go ahead. I’ll wait.)

The truth is I don’t know why he has been so moody- but I can say almost with certainty that it’s not because he’s gay. More likely he is depressed about not having a job, or because he feels like he doesn’t have many friends around here anymore. Who knows. I even suspect it’s because he finds my personality frustrating and annoying, but hasn’t let himself admit that yet. He insists this is not the case, but he could be lying, or he may not have realized it yet.

Point being, it wasn’t the fight that exhausted me. I just realized in that moment that his attitude over the past couple weeks has been exhausting me. He honestly acts like he doesn’t enjoy being around me. He doesn’t talk very much- if I ask him a hypothetical question, just to start a conversation, he answers as quickly as he can to get it over with; or he’ll say something like “I don’t know.” (Me: If you could be any super hero, who would you want to be? Jay: I dunno.) If I don’t start talking, we’ll just sit there in silence. Other times, I’ll be talking about something I think is important or interesting, and at the end, he’ll be looking out the window saying, “I didn’t realize you could smoke on that patio.”

In other words, its like he’s trying to tell me, “I don’t find you interesting. I don’t enjoy being around you. I wish I was somewhere else.” And honestly, if that were true, I would be fine with it. Yeah it would suck a little bit, but I’m really good at accepting when something just isn’t meant to be. Problem is, he insists this is not the case, and that he loves being around me.

Well, unfortunately, regardless of whether he actually likes being around me, I don’t enjoy being around someone who just sits there and makes me feel… disliked. So I decided I needed to take some time to be alone with the best person in the world: me.  In the mean time, he can reflect on what’s going on with himself, and hopefully, when we hang out again, he’ll be the kind of person that makes me feel awesome when I’m around him, rather than someone who brings down the mood.

And for the men out there: Why do guys act like this? Is it me? Be honest. I can take it.

And don’t worry, Jay and I will be back together soon; as soon as I start needing more material for this blog 😉

The Castro Part II

Don’t click on the video if you don’t want to hear loud Katy Perry music.

(I filmed it on my phone while inside a club in the Castro, just to capture the vibe)

The reason I broke this article into two parts is because I wanted to convey 2 separate messages. The first is that the Castro was fun, and if you haven’t been, you should go. However, this second part will address the fact that Jay and I didn’t really enjoy our visit, for various reasons that should not discourage anyone else from going.

As I explained, it was my idea to go to the Castro, and I thought Jay would like it. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem too enthused about it. The entire way there, he was in a bad mood. At first I thought he was just still mad about how I made him look at the sea lions for what he considered to be “too long.” I didn’t think he was upset about going to the Castro since he complains about how he worries girls will not accept the side of him that likes guys, and here I was being totally accepting.

But as the night progressed, he seemed… grumpy.

After we bought the jacket, Jay complained that he wanted to change out of his sweatshirt and wear his new jacket. He explained that some of the gay guys were judging him because he wasn’t dressed stylishly enough.

“… Bullshit.” I said.

“I’m serious. All these guys keep looking at me.”

“I thought you said they were hitting on you,” I teased. (He had complained a little about how he doesn’t like being leered at by older gay men).

“Some of them are.”

“I don’t see anybody looking at you,” I said. “Nobody gives a crap about you.”

We kept walking, and I started paying more attention to people who passed us. And to my surprise, I realized he was right; people were looking at him. And I was really confused about why. Some of them were probably trying to be flirtatious; I asked Jay how they could tell he was bi, and he said they probably couldn’t.

“I think they’d still be doing it if I was straight,” he said.

Other people were looking at him in a different way. Possibly some of them were judging him, but I really have no idea. A middle aged gay couple passed, holding hands. They were both wearing some pretty sexy coats, and one had an off-white scarf. So freaking stylish. They gave Jay a really quick ‘up, down, up’ kind of look. They seemed strangely curious. I thought maybe they were trying to figure out if he was gay or not… or maybe they were trying to figure out what a straight guy was doing in the Castro… That doesn’t make much sense though; it’s a tourist attraction, and I’m sure plenty of straight guys visit each year. Maybe they were judging his clothing. Who knows.

As Jay changed out of his sweatshirt, I couldn’t help but mumble, “Sure that sweatshirt was fine for me, but now you need a jacket to impress all these gay guys…”

Basically, Jay spent the whole night sulking. He sulked while I was buying a cookie, he sulked during sushi, he sulked while we were trying to decide what bar/club to go to. And then, when we actually went to the bar/club, things got really bad.

At first, I assumed that I would be the one not having fun at a gay club. For example, when we walked up to the door, they didn’t card Jay, they just waived him right in. But the guy literally held out his arm out to stop me and said he would need to see some I.D.

“It’s because he thought you looked young,” Jay said, sensing I was pretty ticked off.

“No,” I said. “It’s because I’m not hot enough to get in without being carded.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh don’t give me that,” I said. “I’ve been clubbing. I know how it works. If you’re hot enough, they’ll let you in no matter what. Clearly, I didn’t make the cut.”

“Well whatever. He doesn’t think you’re hot because he’s gay. He’s only going to let in cute boys,” Jay said.  “This is what guys feel like all the time when they try to go out and have to wait in line and pay cover, and you girls just get to walk right in.”

Indeed, the night turned out to be a complete role reversal; Jay got all the attention, people bought him drinks, the bartenders made them extra strong- all the perks that girls usually get. And yet he still seemed grumpy and on edge.

Then I started to see why he wasn’t a fan of clubbing in the Castro.

A guy came up to us while we were lingering near the bar and started talking to Jay. Where’re you from? What do you do? Are you a student blah blah blah… Then he was giggling and touching Jay’s arm. Then he was asking what we had done in San Francisco so far, and Jay said, “I dunno, we’ve just been walking around the city. This is my girlfriend, by the way.”

“Oh,” the guy said. “So you’re straight?”

“No, I’m bi,” Jay explained.

The guy smirked. “So you’re on your way to gay then.”

“No, I’m bi.”

“Whatever.” The guy walked away.

“This is why I didn’t want to come here,” Jay said to me. “I knew this would happen. People have been judging me all evening, and I hate it.”

Isighed. I still don’t necessarily agree that people on the street were judging him; I think that part was all in his head. Even so, it would explain why he was so tense all night. To make things worse, he was right about the club; people here were definitely judging him. And it got worse as the night went on and everyone got drunker.

Some people would roll their eyes when he said he had a girlfriend, or turn and give me a look of pity, like “you poor thing, can’t you tell your boyfriend is gay?” Other people were just plain mean, saying things like “You don’t belong here,” or “Why don’t you come back when you actually come out.” A couple people said things like “Pretty sure you’re in the wrong club,” which maybe means they thought he was straight; so its not an offensive thing to say, but it’s unfriendly at the least.

A few people were friendly and totally chill about it. We met these guys from… Holland I think, who were really nice. We also talked to this ridiculously hot black guy who had witnessed one of the offensive comments, and agreed that making a bi guy feel unwelcome at a gay club was just uncalled for.

The thing that baffled me the most is that some people said these kinds of things without having any way to possibly know he was bi. I didn’t get how they could tell. Or maybe they couldn’t tell?? Maybe they just didn’t want straight guys there, or maybe they though he was gay and tragically trying to pass me off as a girlfriend… I really don’t understand what they thought our relationship was, or why they were automatically hostile to him. I’m still baffled. I used to go to gay clubs with a gay guy friend, and people seemed to know that he was gay and I was his best girl friend, and everyone was nice to us. I mean lots of gay guys party with girls, so why didn’t people just assume that about me and Jay? Anyway… I have no idea.

So as it turned out, Jay was miserable for a lot of the night, and I on the other hand had a pretty good time once I got past being I.D’ed at the door. The music was good, the guys were hot, and no creepers bothered me, so overall it was pretty fun except for the fact that Jay was getting hated on.

The Castro, San Francisco Pt. I

Jay has been up in Northern California for a few weeks, studying for an entrance exam. This has been fun because I’ve gotten to come up and visit him on weekends, and see San Francisco and Berkeley. I’ve been to both these places before, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of things to do there; there are so many unique things to experience in both these places!

First day, we went to Berkeley and walked around the campus. I saw a huge spider on an emergency phone; the campus was nice and all, but the spider was really the most memorable part of the day. The next day we went to San Francisco to check out Pier 39. If you haven’t seen it, you should because there are like a million sea lions. I swear. They all crawl up on the docks and just lay there in the sun like the fat lazy creatures they are. They also make a bunch of noise. And in case I haven’t convinced you, Pier 39 also has churros and corn dogs at these snack stands that appear every ten meters. Whatever municipal planner designed this place was a freakin genius. The biggest problem with most locations is insufficient availability of corn dogs, and Pier 39 has solved this problem artfully.

So many fat sea lions laying around on these platforms…

Aside from eat corndogs and watch sea lions, there was one thing I’ve always wanted to do in San Francisco; I’ve always wanted to go to the Castro. And now that I have a bi boyfriend, what better time to go?

The Castro

The Castro is San Francisco’s gay district, and a lot of history has happened there. Basically, it’s a culturally relevant place for many members of the LGBT community. They’ve got a museum of LGBT history, restaurants and clothing stores manned by super hot gay guys (and womanned by adorable lesbians, but I didn’t see as many of them…), LGBT-friendly bars and lounges, sex toy shops, and of course some boring stuff like a Bank of America.

Castro Guide Book, full of fun stuff that can only be found in the Castro

Example of the clever ads, showcasing the Castro’s Gay Friendly attractions

Info page on GLBT History Museum. I wanted to go but it was 10 minutes to closing when we got there, and Jay didn’t want to be “those people”

I wanted to go there with Jay because… I guess I wanted to know more about his gay side (he uses the term ‘gay side’; hope I’m not offending anyone.) He went to the Castro back when he was dating a guy, and he said it was fun, so I was determined to show him he would have fun there with me too. Just because I’m not a gay guy doesn’t mean I can’t go to the Castro; lots of straight people go to the Castro because it’s a tourist destination.

Aside from wanting to measure up to his past flames, I also wanted to go to the Castro to show him that I’m totally accepting of the side of him that’s attracted to men. I’m not sure if he knows this; he might think that I tolerate that side of him, or am willing to ignore it. But I wanted him to know he doesn’t have to sweep it under the rug or put it in his past just because he’s with me. In other words, walking past salon’s that offer “Boyzilian Waxes”, or looking at fliers and posters for events featuring burly nude men in bondage gear doesn’t freak me out.

I was skimming through the pages of my little guidebook, and I asked Jay if he had ever gotten a ‘Boyzilian Wax’. He said, “What? No. What are you talking about?”

And lastly, aside from all those serious goals, I kind of just thought he would have fun. He could look at some cute bartenders, have some drinks, shop, have a nice dinner, – what about that could be not fun??

In some ways it was fun. It was like being in an entire city where everyone was gay- like if Disneyland had Frontier Land, Tomorrow Land, and Gay Land, this would be Gay Land. And let me tell you, Gay Land is a lot better than the rest of this crappy world.

Jay shopped for a new jacket, and it was interesting watching him interact with the sales attendants. Obviously I’ve met gay sales attendants other places, but it always seems like they are under some unspoken contract to keep the flirtation to a minimum. These guys on the other hand were a little more on the flirty side- as well they should be. I feel  any man who comes to the Castro has consented to some amount of harmless flirtation. Watching Jay was interesting though, because it was clear he was used to being hit on by men. He didn’t act all fidgety about it like some of my straight guy friends do.

I was trying to show Jay this cute preppy blazer, when one of the sales guys came up and said, “Isn’t that one great?”

“See?” I said to Jay. “He likes it too.”

But Jay made a face and said, “I don’t like Blazers,” He turned to the sales guy and said, “She only likes it because she has school boy fantasies.”

I was about to punch Jay in the shoulder, but the sales attendant said, “Oh, don’t worry, I have those all the time.” So instead I laughed and stuck my tongue out at Jay.

Overall, as a tourist destination, the Castro was interesting and fun and I highly recommend it.

Halloween Costumes!!

I believe I’ve mentioned that Halloween is my most favoritest holiday. This year I am going to my friend Max’s block party, and I am going to bring Jay as my date. Going to the party together will be a coming out, of sorts- no not in a gay (or bi) way. In fact it is me who will be ‘coming out’; I will be ‘coming out’ as a girl in a committed relationship. I’ve never brought a serious boyfriend to a party like this before, and many of my friends have been waiting to see if it is true that the commitment-phobic Sydney really has a serious boyfriend. And I do. And I will be presenting him to all of my more distant acquaintances on Halloween.

Naturally, our costumes for this even will be of utmost importance, and Jay and I have been discussing them for a while.  He offered to dress up in something matchy, but I flat out refused. Couples who wear ‘couples costumes’ make me want to barf. I told him to dress up in whatever he wanted as long as it looked hot. Thus, Jay decided he wanted to be “What Does the Fox Say”

Unfortunately, he did not have that pajama jumpsuit thing, so instead he figured he could just get the ears and tail, and the basic idea would still come across. I encouraged him to go shirtless because, while it has nothing to do with foxes, being shirtless is always appropriate when one has a bangin’ bod. So it was decided; Jay would be a shirtless fox.

Jay planned to get the fox accessories online. Lots of places sell ear and tail combos. Most of these are targeted at girls- I guess the idea is that you can wear ears and a tail with any slutty outfit, and you’re some kind of animal for Halloween. Replace the trampy corset and booty shorts with a pair of jeans, and these costumes work just as well for men. Unfortunately, the site was sold out of the “Feelin’ Foxy” accessory set- understandable, considering Jay tried to order them a few days ago (a week before Halloween). Instead, he had to go to a Halloween store to see if they had anything suitable. Tragically, they were sold out of “Feelin’ Foxy” as well, but they did have “Pretty Kitty”, a cat ear and tail combo. Jay got the idea that he could pass the cat ears off as fox ears. He also got a little dog nose mask.

When he showed me the cat ears, we had a brief discussion about whether some foxes are black. I maintain that no foxes are black, but that’s beside the point; the fox in “What Does the Fox Say” is not black. Ultimately, we did a little brainstorming and decided that Jay is not the fox from “What Does the Fox Say”; instead he is some kind of mutant furry mammal of indeterminate species… but he’s shirtless, so frankly I think he will totally pull it off.

Oh, and this is much less interesting, but I feel I should reveal what my costume will be. I will be some sort of black swan ballerina thing… maybe it’s a peacock. I’m not really sure. It’s a tutu with a peacock feather headband. I just saw it and thought it was pretty.

……………………………..

I feel like I should make an effort to talk about issues relating to male bisexuality in every post; after all, that’s sort of my hook.  If I had called this blog, “So I’m Going to This Halloween Party…” none of you would be reading it. But unfortuantely, Jay doesn’t always do ‘bisexual’ stuff (whatever that is…) Sadly, the only way I could cram bisexuality into this topic was with an offensive joke that I decided not to make. When Jay showed me the cat ears and the dog mask,  I was tempted to say, “So your halloween costume’s not really sure what it is… just like your sexuality.” BUT I did not say it. He would probably have laughed, but I’m never sure if it’s okay to make these kinds of jokes. To all the awesome bi guys out there, what do you think? Offensive or not?

Full Version of Conversation w/ Reader

Some of you may remember when an angry reader invited me to call him on the phone, so he could condemn my relationship with a bi guy. I posted a video summarizing our conversation. Unfortunately, he accused me of altering and misrepresenting our conversation, to make myself seem more favorable, and insisted I post the ‘real’ version, showing what really happened

I apologize if my summary was inaccurate. I shortened the conversation, and only showed key points, but I don’t think I was misleading. Out of fairness to this person, this is the original version; you can decide for yourselves if I was fair or not.

I want to once again express my love and support for the gay community. I know that it is very difficult for men to come out as gay, and I wish that no gay man would ever feel pressured to act straight or hide his true identity. I also understand that a gay man who has managed to embrace his own sexual orientation might resent a guy who is not strong enough to do that and ‘pretends’ to be attracted to women. But I have to insist that there are bisexual men who are genuinely attracted to women as well as men, and it is very hard for them to hear that just because you were never really bi, that they must be the same as you. That’s as hurtful as when straight men claim that being gay is a choice- just because they are attracted to women, that means that you are just ‘choosing’ to be gay? Of course not.

Every needs to understand that just because someone’s sexuality is different from their own, it doesn’t mean that any sexuality is less legitimate.

Jay and Sydney Go Beer Tasting

Jay decided it would be fun to go beer tasting, and sent me a text asking if I would be interested. I’m not really a fan of beer, and it was always my understanding that “tasting” was the worst part of the beer experience, while being drunk afterwards was the payoff. So I sent Jay a text back saying something like “Please don’t be offended, but I’d rather taste other stuff, including things that aren’t edible like glue or tree bark.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t send the text to Jay, I sent it to Janice, a friend that I have fallen out of touch with. So when I showed up at Jay’s house a few days later, he was under the impression that we were going beer tasting. (It was then that I looked back at my phone and saw the mistake. I wondered why Janice hadn’t responded, asking what the heck I was talking about. I guess she has learned to ignore my nonsense, like most of my friends have.)

I was mildly annoyed about the beer tasting, because what it really meant is that I would have to follow Jay around, make sure he didn’t get into trouble, and then drag his ass to a cab when he was too drunk to handle such simple tasks. I’m not a fan of baby-sitting drunk Jay. I’m usually pretty good at controlling drunk guy friends because I’m freakishly strong for a girl. For example, my friend Max is 6’3” and I can give him piggy back rides if he’s too inebriated or tired to walk (I’m not even joking). Max, however, is a lazy sack of crap whose athletic activities consist of “surfing” (standing on the beach with a board and trying to hit on girls) and driving manual transmission cars. If I need to physically overpower him, it is in the realm of possibility. Jay on the other hand is an actual athlete- at least he was until graduating from college last year- meaning if he sets his drunk mind on something, very few people can overpower him, except for, perhaps, other division one athletes. I learned this lesson the hard way when, on the way home from a bar, Jay decided to hassle a crack head who was minding his own business, doing crack head things. It took another guy friend and myself to shove Jay down the street, even with my freakish girl strength.

I made sure to whine a little bit on the way to the beer tasting, just in preparation for the debacle it was sure to be.

“Why couldn’t we go taste something else?”

“Like what?” he said.

“Wings.”

“They have hot-wings here,” he said.

That was a game changer. Hot-wings instantly take any situation from miserable to completely tolerable, and from tolerable to freaking awesome. So the first thing we did was stand in line for wings, and then eat them huddled around a small table. The entire time, Jay was saying, “Come on! All the beer’s gonna be gone,” and I was shouting, “Don’t rush me!”

Aside from the hotwings, not much about the beer tasting was particularly memorable. We tasted beers; that was pretty much it. Jay told me all about the colors and the flavors and subtleties of the beers, but I didn’t really appreciate what he was talking about. Some one who cares more about beers probably would have loved it…

I know this blog is called, “So I’m Dating This Bisexual Guy” so I feel like I should say something on topic. But nothing bisexual happened at the beer tasting (and why would it?). The closest thing was that we both stopped to watch a group of guys dressed in sailor costumes dance in front of a DJ booth. #Hot. Also, every time we went to taste a beer, Jay made me get a different flavor and drank mine too, and I almost made the joke, “Wow, you really like to have it both ways.” But I didn’t say it because I wasn’t sure he would appreciate that kind of humor. I really don’t know if he likes to be teased about his sexuality. Honestly I still haven’t tested the waters because I’m too scared.

Overall, beer tasting is pretty uneventful, and has very little to do with sexuality- unless you count the fact that it reminded me of a brilliant plan: One of these days I’m going to get Jay really drunk and ask him all the important questions like “If I had a penis but looked like a girl, would you still like me?” and “Have you ever thought about one of your guy friends in a dirty way?” But these are all questions for another day because beer tasting didn’t get him quite drunk enough 😉