Tag Archives: male bisexuality

Bisexual Guys Survey is READY!!!

Screen Shot of Survey

One of the things I’ve wanted to do, ever since I started dating Jay and had trouble finding information about bi guys, is conduct a survey of bisexual men. This would be soooo helpful. It would show that everyone is different, and it would answer a lot of the questions straight women (and gay guys… and straight guys, and lesbians, and bi women, and everyone else) have about bisexual males.

I have FINALLY gotten the survey up, with help from a few other ladies, and with help from Jay (who really wasn’t that helpful. He contributed like ONE question). I would LOVE it if all my bi male readers would take the survey.

Click here to take it!

It’s anonymous, so please answer honestly if you can. When I get enough responses, I am going to share some of the findings, in the form of colorful charts and graphs.

Some of the questions are a personal, some are totally naughty;  if you don’t want to answer something, leave it blank. You can also write ‘fuck you sydney’ in the comment box if I’ve made you uncomfortable and you want to express your anger.

I really think this will be helpful, and lift away some of the mystery that surrounds bisexual guys.

Please take the survey, and PLEASE send it to any other bisexual guys that you know. Also, please offer suggestions on how I can find other bi guys to participate.

16 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Awkward Holiday Parties

First of all I want to apologize for not posting anything in a while; truthfully, I’ve just been busy. But I will not abandon this blog, and I assure you I thought about it constantly even when I was too busy to update. Second of all, thank you for your support. I got a lot of comments and follows over the past few weeks, and I just wanted to say that it means a lot, and I am glad people can relate to this blog.

The holidays were a big part of why I was too busy to write, and even though they have been over for a couple weeks now, I still want to tell you about them. For one thing, they are important, and for another, interesting things happened. Interesting bi things.

To start the season off, Hanukkah happened, and since Jay’s step-dad is Jewish, they had a Hanukkah party, to which I was invited. I knew it would be polite to bring something, and after my brother and I raided my parents’ wine collection and realized we had no idea which wines were good, I decided a box of chocolates would be a better option.

I went to See’s Candy, and picked out an assorted box. I asked if they could gift wrap it, and it was only as I was leaving that I realized the wrapping paper was red and green and said “Merry Christmas.” I worried it might be annoying to show up to a Hanukkah party with a gift that so blatantly insisted upon the wider popularity of Christmas, so I asked if they could rewrap it in Hanukkah paper. I watched as the cashier peeled off the wrapping paper, and rewrapped it in plain white paper. Then, she reached below the counter and pulled out a single, large star of david sticker, and stuck it right on top of the box. It wasn’t gift wrap, so much as it was a label. “For Jews.” She slapped it on the way I picture things get stamped “USDA Approved” or “Contaminated” or “Contains Nuts.”

I showed the box to my brother, and he managed to peel the sticker off and place it over the tape on the back of the box, so at least it looked like it served a purpose other than announcing, “These chocolates are for Jews.” Crisis averted.

That part of the story has nothing to do with bisexuality, but it was funny so I wanted to tell it anyway.

Jay’s sexuality came up after I had arrived at the party and handed his parents the Jew Chocolates. He was showing me some decorations in the foyer, and he started telling me how last year, he was here with Bradley who ended up getting too drunk and falling asleep in the foyer. No one could find Bradley, and it ended up being quite a laugh when he was finally discovered, curled up on the couch, sleeping like a baby.

“Bradley…” I scoffed. I’ve met Bradley, and he’s actually really nice. But since he’s Jay’s ex, I always roll my eyes a little whenever Jay recounts the adorable things he used to do.

“After that he was too drunk to drive home, so I just helped him up to my room,” Jay explained.

“Hold on,” I interrupted. “Bradley slept in your room?”

“Yeah.”

“Like in your bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, with you also in the bed?”

“Yeah…”

“That is so unfair,” I announced. I am not supposed to sleep in Jay’s bed at his parent’s house. He has younger siblings, and his parents don’t think it sets a good example to let unmarried couples sleep in bed together. But somehow, for Bradley it was okay.

Jay sighed. “Dude, my parents thought we were just friends. They didn’t know we were… you know, fucking. My mom even asked me, just to make sure nothing was going on and I told her Bradley and I were just friends.”  (It’s worth mentioning that Jay’s mom knows he is bisexual, and that the idea that Jay might be fooling around with another guy was a very real possibility.)

I scowled. “Your mom asked you, ‘Hey Jay, just to make sure, you’re not taking it up the butt from the guy that’s sleeping in the foyer, are you?’?”

“Well, she didn’t say it like that, obviously.” Jay said. “She just asked if anything was going on with us, and I said no.”

“And she believed you? That you were just two guys friends? Two guy friends sleeping in bed together?” I asked. “Guy friends don’t sleep in bed together. Guys only sleep in bed with other guys if they are fucking.”

“I mean… maybe she suspected, but what was she really going to say?”

I had to admit, he had a point.

The bed thing is the main reason I don’t like going to Jay’s parents’ house.

I’ve waited a long time to get out of high school, and get my own place where I can tie up men with bondage tape without it being anyone else’s business (not that I do that; I’m just saying I could). It’s frustrating to visit parents and be forced back into that high school mentality; it’s extra frustrating to know that stupid Bradley didn’t have to follow the same rules.

But… I guess that’s one of the perks of having a same sex relationship; society’s rules don’t always catch you. It’s not inappropriate for people of the same gender to sleep in the same room because USUALLY they don’t screw. The fact that Bradley and Jay could sleep in the same room and screw means… they basically just got lucky. They cheated the system. Those bastards.

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Debate About Revealing a Partner’s Bisexuality

I assumed that it was 100% public knowledge that Jay was bisexual. When we first met, he told me he’s very open about it. I assumed that meant it didn’t matter if I told other people about it, but apparently I was wrong, and we got into a little tiff about this. Here’s how it happened…

A few weeks ago, a guy that Jay used to date invited us to this ‘event’ at a club (lets call this guy Brad). At first I thought it was just clubbing, so I was planning to invite a bunch of my other friends. But the more they discussed the event, it sounded like something beyond ‘just clubbing’. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but I managed to gather that there would be men dressed in women’s clothing, so I thought to myself, “Hm, I better not invite all my conservative friends, and possibly freak them out, since I don’t know what this is.”

We went to the event, and it was really fun. People were dressed kinda crazy, but overall, nothing unreasonable was going on. I figured that I’d bring some of my friends next time. In the mean time, the group I was with all took pictures of ourselves having tons of fun, and put them up on Facebook. 

The next morning, one of my best girl friends, Leslie, texted me, saying, “Blah blah blah, why didn’t you invite me last night? Blah blah blah I always invite you…” Yeah. She was pissed. Apparently that venue was somewhere she goes to all the time and loves, and she was really mad that I went there without inviting her. I know. I’m the worst person in the world. Whatever.

I figured I would try to explain that I didn’t plan the outing, and also why I didn’t invite her: Brad, Jay’s ex, this little gay dude, planned it and I didn’t know what it was until I got there.

The problem is Leslie doesn’t know Jay is bi. So that makes explaining his gay ex a little hard. I could have crafted a way around those details, but I figured the story would be easier to tell if I just explained the whole thing.

So I texted Jay and asked if I could tell Leslie he was bi. At first he said, “Yeah, sure.”

Then he added something like, “As long as she wont think I’m actually gay.”

I told him that she would more likely think he was actually straight… I don’t remember the details, but that lead to a discussion of whether she would believe he was bi or not. I admitted I wasn’t sure what she would think, and then Jay said, “Never mind, I don’t want you to tell her.”

“Why not? You tell strangers.”

“Because this is different. It’s your best friend-“ (Jay was wrong about this, Nora is my best friend, but that’s not important to this story…) “And she’s going to try to convince you that guys can’t be bisexual, and that I’m going to end up gay.”

I didn’t see the problem with that. Leslie has tried to convince me of a lot stupider things before (like that putting a caramel apple in a Ferragamo handbag would not ruin the bag [or the apple] if it was only in there for a few minutes). I have no problem fully disregarding advice that Leslie gives me.

However, Jay explained that Lesley’s opinion of his sexuality was not the problem. “The problem,” he said. “Is why you are telling her.”

I was confused. As far as I knew, I was telling her to get her off my back about not inviting her to some stupid club. But Jay thought differently.

“You are telling her,” he said, “For the same reason you told Max and your mom; because you weren’t sure about dating me, and you wanted their advice. And you’re still not sure, so you’re asking Leslie to help you decide whether it’s a good idea.”

I literally rolled my eyes at this. “Listen,” I said. “I never ask my mom for advice; that’s why we aren’t close. And as for Max, he has the good sense not to try to tell me what to do, which is why we are close. I can assure you that telling them about your sexuality had nothing to do with trying to get advice on whether to date a bisexual guy.”

Eventually Jay admitted that he believed me. He explained that he’s had issues in the past with girls blacklisting him because of his sexuality. Fine. Fair enough. Whatever.

But he also explained that I should not have just assumed it was okay to disclose his sexuality. This was very personal information, he explained.

“But its on your facebook,” I argued.

“Well then people can look at my facebook and ask me about it. But you can’t just assume you can go around telling people.”

“Well how am I suppose to know all these rules?” I said.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s no handbook of bisexual men. There’s no ten commandments for dating bi guys,” I said. “How am I supposed to know what I can tell people and what’s a secret? I can’t know what’s socially appropriate when it comes to bisexuality.”

“It’s the same as being gay. You can’t just go around telling people someone is gay.”

“No,” I said. “It’s not. If we were a gay couple, everyone would know just by looking at us, and there would be no need to tell my friends. It is different.”

“I don’t know,” Jay finally said.

********

So here is my question to all you readers out there; what are the rules for disclosing someone’s bisexuality? Is it a faux pas to ‘out’ them? Or does keeping it a secret mean you are ashamed? 

17 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Bicker Bicker Bicker…

I try not to say anything bad about Jay on this blog. I realize many people are not familiar with bisexual males, and that for some people, reading this blog might be the only exposure to bisexual males they get. I feel I have a duty to portray Jay as perfect, otherwise readers might think things like… “I guess all bisexual men get too drunk at their girlfriends charity Halloween event.” Or “Oh I guess all bisexual men get too jealous about their girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.” And that would be unfair to all the sober, confident bisexuals out there, who don’t do any of these things.

I recently realized, however, sweeping Jay’s faults under the rug might not be the best idea. For one thing, it could encourage the idea that he does not actually exist. (Yes, I have been accused of fabricating Jay.) I mean, if a girl was going to invent a fantasy boyfriend, wouldn’t she make him perfect? Tall, handsome, athletic, funny… Yes, Jay is all of these things, but that’s only hard to believe because I never talk about the ways in which he’s a pain in the ass. He is not perfect. And I cannot take credit for creating Jay; that credit goes to his parents, copulating in the early 90’s.

The other reason it might be good to reveal some of Jay’s faults is that it would show they have nothing to do with his sexuality. For any girls out there, worried about getting into a serious relationship with a bi guy, it might help to know that the things that have made my relationship difficult are none of the things that girls seem to be paranoid about when it comes to bi men. What if he looks at men? What if he watches gay porn? What if I’m not enough for him because I don’t have a dick? What if I have to compete with twice as many people now? I can honestly these things haven’t become an issue between Jay and me. Sorry to disappoint, but the things that will get on your nerves could very well be the mundane things that make relationships suck in general.

There was one more reason that I never told stories about Jay’s annoying behaviors, that’s because it’s boring. Using this blog to bitch about my boyfriend would just be stupid and no one would give a crap or want to read it. I feel like its morally wrong to be that self indulgent. When I write anything (not just this blog) I remind myself “Hey Sydney, no one cares about your stupid problems.” But today I’m going to take on the challenge of writing an interesting, relevant entry about a little fight I had with Jay. Here goes:

It all started Sunday night, when Jay texted me to say he hadn’t gotten a job he applied for. I was appropriately supportive and comforting, telling him he was qualified and that job searches are a long process. But he was in one of his moods, and didn’t want to let it go. He started accusing me of leading him on, and wasting his time by telling him that he was qualified for that job. According to him, I should have told him the truth: that he sucked way too much for that job and he should not have bothered applying. I’m going to pause for a second, and say that I know for a fact this is not what I should have told him, because I (stupidly) have told him that before. And it did not go over well. He was complaining about his grad school aspirations, and I said, “Well maybe it’s not for you.” To anyone less emotionally retarded than I am, what happened next is probably obvious: he had a complete fit and said he couldn’t believe I didn’t believe in him.

So you can see why I tried to be optimistic about this job. Furthermore, I wasn’t being dishonest; he was qualified for the job. They just didn’t hire him. Sometimes that’s how it goes.

Anyway, long story short, we had a nice 2 hour bicker over the phone, and at the end of it, I realized I was exhausted. Not just exhausted by the fight, but exhausted by him. And so I told him we needed to take a break from seeing each other.

Don’t panic, we didn’t break up. I just needed space to work on some things without the emotional drama of a relationship. I also wanted to give Jay some time to reflect on why he has been so moody lately. (To all the haters out there, this is the perfect moment to say its because he’s gay. Go ahead. I’ll wait.)

The truth is I don’t know why he has been so moody- but I can say almost with certainty that it’s not because he’s gay. More likely he is depressed about not having a job, or because he feels like he doesn’t have many friends around here anymore. Who knows. I even suspect it’s because he finds my personality frustrating and annoying, but hasn’t let himself admit that yet. He insists this is not the case, but he could be lying, or he may not have realized it yet.

Point being, it wasn’t the fight that exhausted me. I just realized in that moment that his attitude over the past couple weeks has been exhausting me. He honestly acts like he doesn’t enjoy being around me. He doesn’t talk very much- if I ask him a hypothetical question, just to start a conversation, he answers as quickly as he can to get it over with; or he’ll say something like “I don’t know.” (Me: If you could be any super hero, who would you want to be? Jay: I dunno.) If I don’t start talking, we’ll just sit there in silence. Other times, I’ll be talking about something I think is important or interesting, and at the end, he’ll be looking out the window saying, “I didn’t realize you could smoke on that patio.”

In other words, its like he’s trying to tell me, “I don’t find you interesting. I don’t enjoy being around you. I wish I was somewhere else.” And honestly, if that were true, I would be fine with it. Yeah it would suck a little bit, but I’m really good at accepting when something just isn’t meant to be. Problem is, he insists this is not the case, and that he loves being around me.

Well, unfortunately, regardless of whether he actually likes being around me, I don’t enjoy being around someone who just sits there and makes me feel… disliked. So I decided I needed to take some time to be alone with the best person in the world: me.  In the mean time, he can reflect on what’s going on with himself, and hopefully, when we hang out again, he’ll be the kind of person that makes me feel awesome when I’m around him, rather than someone who brings down the mood.

And for the men out there: Why do guys act like this? Is it me? Be honest. I can take it.

And don’t worry, Jay and I will be back together soon; as soon as I start needing more material for this blog 😉

9 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

The Castro, San Francisco Pt. I

Jay has been up in Northern California for a few weeks, studying for an entrance exam. This has been fun because I’ve gotten to come up and visit him on weekends, and see San Francisco and Berkeley. I’ve been to both these places before, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of things to do there; there are so many unique things to experience in both these places!

First day, we went to Berkeley and walked around the campus. I saw a huge spider on an emergency phone; the campus was nice and all, but the spider was really the most memorable part of the day. The next day we went to San Francisco to check out Pier 39. If you haven’t seen it, you should because there are like a million sea lions. I swear. They all crawl up on the docks and just lay there in the sun like the fat lazy creatures they are. They also make a bunch of noise. And in case I haven’t convinced you, Pier 39 also has churros and corn dogs at these snack stands that appear every ten meters. Whatever municipal planner designed this place was a freakin genius. The biggest problem with most locations is insufficient availability of corn dogs, and Pier 39 has solved this problem artfully.

seals

So many fat sea lions laying around on these platforms…

Aside from eat corndogs and watch sea lions, there was one thing I’ve always wanted to do in San Francisco; I’ve always wanted to go to the Castro. And now that I have a bi boyfriend, what better time to go?

The Castro

The Castro is San Francisco’s gay district, and a lot of history has happened there. Basically, it’s a culturally relevant place for many members of the LGBT community. They’ve got a museum of LGBT history, restaurants and clothing stores manned by super hot gay guys (and womanned by adorable lesbians, but I didn’t see as many of them…), LGBT-friendly bars and lounges, sex toy shops, and of course some boring stuff like a Bank of America.

Castro Guide Book, full of  fun stuff that can only be found in the Castro

Castro Guide Book, full of fun stuff that can only be found in the Castro

Example of the clever ads, showcasing the Castro's Gay Friendly attractions

Example of the clever ads, showcasing the Castro’s Gay Friendly attractions

Info page on GLBT History Museum. I wanted to go but it was 10 minutes to closing when we got there, and Jay didn't want to be "those people"

Info page on GLBT History Museum. I wanted to go but it was 10 minutes to closing when we got there, and Jay didn’t want to be “those people”

I wanted to go there with Jay because… I guess I wanted to know more about his gay side (he uses the term ‘gay side’; hope I’m not offending anyone.) He went to the Castro back when he was dating a guy, and he said it was fun, so I was determined to show him he would have fun there with me too. Just because I’m not a gay guy doesn’t mean I can’t go to the Castro; lots of straight people go to the Castro because it’s a tourist destination.

Aside from wanting to measure up to his past flames, I also wanted to go to the Castro to show him that I’m totally accepting of the side of him that’s attracted to men. I’m not sure if he knows this; he might think that I tolerate that side of him, or am willing to ignore it. But I wanted him to know he doesn’t have to sweep it under the rug or put it in his past just because he’s with me. In other words, walking past salon’s that offer “Boyzilian Waxes”, or looking at fliers and posters for events featuring burly nude men in bondage gear doesn’t freak me out.

I was skimming through the pages of my little guidebook, and I asked Jay if he had ever gotten a 'Boyzilian Wax'. He said, "What? No. What are you talking about?"

I was skimming through the pages of my little guidebook, and I asked Jay if he had ever gotten a ‘Boyzilian Wax’. He said, “What? No. What are you talking about?”

And lastly, aside from all those serious goals, I kind of just thought he would have fun. He could look at some cute bartenders, have some drinks, shop, have a nice dinner, – what about that could be not fun??

In some ways it was fun. It was like being in an entire city where everyone was gay- like if Disneyland had Frontier Land, Tomorrow Land, and Gay Land, this would be Gay Land. And let me tell you, Gay Land is a lot better than the rest of this crappy world.

Jay shopped for a new jacket, and it was interesting watching him interact with the sales attendants. Obviously I’ve met gay sales attendants other places, but it always seems like they are under some unspoken contract to keep the flirtation to a minimum. These guys on the other hand were a little more on the flirty side- as well they should be. I feel  any man who comes to the Castro has consented to some amount of harmless flirtation. Watching Jay was interesting though, because it was clear he was used to being hit on by men. He didn’t act all fidgety about it like some of my straight guy friends do.

I was trying to show Jay this cute preppy blazer, when one of the sales guys came up and said, “Isn’t that one great?”

“See?” I said to Jay. “He likes it too.”

But Jay made a face and said, “I don’t like Blazers,” He turned to the sales guy and said, “She only likes it because she has school boy fantasies.”

I was about to punch Jay in the shoulder, but the sales attendant said, “Oh, don’t worry, I have those all the time.” So instead I laughed and stuck my tongue out at Jay.

Overall, as a tourist destination, the Castro was interesting and fun and I highly recommend it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Halloween Costumes!!

I believe I’ve mentioned that Halloween is my most favoritest holiday. This year I am going to my friend Max’s block party, and I am going to bring Jay as my date. Going to the party together will be a coming out, of sorts- no not in a gay (or bi) way. In fact it is me who will be ‘coming out’; I will be ‘coming out’ as a girl in a committed relationship. I’ve never brought a serious boyfriend to a party like this before, and many of my friends have been waiting to see if it is true that the commitment-phobic Sydney really has a serious boyfriend. And I do. And I will be presenting him to all of my more distant acquaintances on Halloween.

Naturally, our costumes for this even will be of utmost importance, and Jay and I have been discussing them for a while.  He offered to dress up in something matchy, but I flat out refused. Couples who wear ‘couples costumes’ make me want to barf. I told him to dress up in whatever he wanted as long as it looked hot. Thus, Jay decided he wanted to be “What Does the Fox Say”

Image

Unfortunately, he did not have that pajama jumpsuit thing, so instead he figured he could just get the ears and tail, and the basic idea would still come across. I encouraged him to go shirtless because, while it has nothing to do with foxes, being shirtless is always appropriate when one has a bangin’ bod. So it was decided; Jay would be a shirtless fox.

Jay planned to get the fox accessories online. Lots of places sell ear and tail combos. Most of these are targeted at girls- I guess the idea is that you can wear ears and a tail with any slutty outfit, and you’re some kind of animal for Halloween. Replace the trampy corset and booty shorts with a pair of jeans, and these costumes work just as well for men. Unfortunately, the site was sold out of the “Feelin’ Foxy” accessory set- understandable, considering Jay tried to order them a few days ago (a week before Halloween). Instead, he had to go to a Halloween store to see if they had anything suitable. Tragically, they were sold out of “Feelin’ Foxy” as well, but they did have “Pretty Kitty”, a cat ear and tail combo. Jay got the idea that he could pass the cat ears off as fox ears. He also got a little dog nose mask.

When he showed me the cat ears, we had a brief discussion about whether some foxes are black. I maintain that no foxes are black, but that’s beside the point; the fox in “What Does the Fox Say” is not black. Ultimately, we did a little brainstorming and decided that Jay is not the fox from “What Does the Fox Say”; instead he is some kind of mutant furry mammal of indeterminate species… but he’s shirtless, so frankly I think he will totally pull it off.

Oh, and this is much less interesting, but I feel I should reveal what my costume will be. I will be some sort of black swan ballerina thing… maybe it’s a peacock. I’m not really sure. It’s a tutu with a peacock feather headband. I just saw it and thought it was pretty.

……………………………..

I feel like I should make an effort to talk about issues relating to male bisexuality in every post; after all, that’s sort of my hook.  If I had called this blog, “So I’m Going to This Halloween Party…” none of you would be reading it. But unfortuantely, Jay doesn’t always do ‘bisexual’ stuff (whatever that is…) Sadly, the only way I could cram bisexuality into this topic was with an offensive joke that I decided not to make. When Jay showed me the cat ears and the dog mask,  I was tempted to say, “So your halloween costume’s not really sure what it is… just like your sexuality.” BUT I did not say it. He would probably have laughed, but I’m never sure if it’s okay to make these kinds of jokes. To all the awesome bi guys out there, what do you think? Offensive or not?

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

My Mommy

Despite a fairly conservative past, my mom has recently become somewhat of an activist in the LGBT community. Her sister’s son came out as gay, and my mom and her sister sort of teamed up in efforts to put an end to bullying he was facing at school. She also befriended the gay couple that moved in across the street from us, and got involved with some fundraising for marriage equality.

She was one of the first people that I told Jay was bi.  To my surprise, she said, “You know its really hard for bisexual people, because they can face opposition from mainstream society, and also from the gay community.” My mind was blown. I mean, I expected my mom to be supportive, but I didn’t expect her to know about the issues of the bi community. I didn’t even know that until Jay told me; Originally, I just assumed that bi people were pretty much like gay people, at least when it came to societal acceptance. #straightignorance. I had no idea being bi opens a whole other barrel of monkeys.

My mom also supports this center that provides housing for teens that have been kicked out of their homes after coming out as LGBT. One thing she does regularly is donate clothes, because apparently clothing is one of the biggest needs. I have two brothers who are stylish enough to buy nice clothing, and spoiled enough to get rid of it after a few uses because it doesn’t appeal to them anymore, or they realized they never really liked it in the first place. According to her, the residents had a ‘heyday’ when she dropped off a box of Drew’s barely worn designer jeans. I came home one weekend to help her pack up another round of boxes to donate.

“Look at this,” she muttered, sorting through the pile of clothes on Drew’s bed. “He is so spoiled. I’m done. I’m not getting him anything else.”

“What about these?” I asked. There was another piled of clothes stacked in the corner of the room.

“No, those are his clothes. He’s keeping those. But that is the reason he says he needs more clothes. It’s because he never washes them. He just piles them up in here or hides them in the laundry room and says he doesn’t have any clothes.”

I folded a polo shirt and stacked it in the donation box. I lifted the next one.

“This one still has a tag on it.” I said, holding it up.

“Oh, lots of them still have tags on. He says they don’t fit him. Psh,” she huffed. “That’s just not true. I bought him those two months ago. But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to wear them, but either way, he’s not getting anymore.”

I spotted some garment bags stacked on Drew’s desk chair. I went over to investigate. The top one was from Neimans. I opened it up and found a sport coat.

“Mom, you’re giving this away??” T-shirts and Jeans were one thing, but this was something she had actually splurged on, since Drew needed it for school. She thought of it as an investment since he would be able to wear it again and again, and would always need a sport coat for dressy occasions.

She turned to look at me. “Oh… yeah. That one’s not his fault. He really did outgrow it. We got it two years ago, and the sleeves are way too short on him now. I hate to give it away, but it’s not his fault he grew… Hey, what size is Jay?”

Jay is by no means an impoverished LGBT teen; his mommy and daddy love him. He is, however, a guy who might like a new wool sport coat.

Truth be told, I didn’t know what size Jay was (worst girlfriend ever, I know). I held it up and examined it.

“I think it’ll be too small on Jay. He has really broad shoulders.” I said.

“No, I think it’ll fit. Drew has really broad shoulders too. He just looks skinny because he’s so tall. I bet it’ll fit Jay. Drew just has those really long arms. ”

I texted Jay, ‘What size jacket are you’. I don’t remember what he said, but it was a size different than the size of the jacket.

“Sorry,” I said. “Looks like it’s a no go.”

My mom sighed. “Well, some lucky guy at the shelter is gonna hit the jackpot today.” She put the sport coat back in the garment bag and laid it flat on the bed. “Do you have anything you want to get rid of? They have girls there too.

I thought it over. I did have some things I was meaning to get rid of, but  it didn’t seem like the right kind of stuff. Party dresses that I considered too short now that I had graduated from college; Prada espadrilles that despite being on sale, were so horrendously uncomfortable, I’d sooner put them in a trash compactor than wear them…

It’s not that I think lesbians (or bi girls) don’t like to dress up; I’m sure many do. But homeless teens living in a shelter were probably looking for more practical clothing.

I told her I had some workout pants that I didn’t wear anymore, and I would go grab them when we were done.

“What about shoes? They really need shoes,” she asked.

I wear my flats until they literally fall apart off my feet. The only shoes that I might part with before their natural lives are exhausted would be heels that I’d grown to hate.

“All I have are a bunch of stupid heels.” I said.

“No, no, bring them,” she said excitedly. “They have a couple of… what’s the right word? Boys who like to dress like girls? And your feet are really big. It’s so hard to find women’s shoes that are big enough, but this will be perfect.”

My first thought was, ‘Yeah, thanks a lot mom.’ But on the other hand, she’s right; my feet are freakishly big. My brother (the one with the long arms) is 6’3” and his feet are only slightly bigger than mine. That should really say something.

…………………

As I mentioned, my mom was the first person I told that I was dating a bisexual guy. I don’t know why I told her, exactly. I guess it would have seemed odd if I never mentioned it and she found out later some how. She would probably wonder why I didn’t bring it up, given her interest in LGBT rights.

I didn’t tell my dad about Jay’s sexuality. He would not have had a problem with it, necessarily, he probably would just have wondered, “Why the heck are you telling me this?” He would have considered it information he didn’t need to know.

But my mom totally understood.

Jay actually seemed worried about the fact that I told her. In contrast, I was worried that if I didn’t tell anyone in my family, Jay might think I was ashamed of his sexuality, and trying to hide it (so this is what I get for trying to do the right thing)… Anyway, I asked Jay why he was worried, and if I was supposed to keep things like this a secret.

“No, it’s not a secret…” He told me. “But I think it can be a red flag, especially for people in our parents generation. And you told me that your mom judges people.”

“Yeah!” I said. “But not about stuff like this! She only judges people who wear clothes that are too tight, or smoke cigarettes, or don’t know proper table etiquette…”

Jay didn’t seemed convinced. “Well, you know her better than I do,” he said. I wasn’t too worried about it; eventually he will see that he has nothing to worry about.

This conversation got me thinking; I realized that a lot of people in our parents’ generation aren’t cool with bisexuality. So it’s pretty awesome that my mom is so understanding. I’m not sure how she ended up like this but… Yay mom!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized