Tag Archives: bi-phobia

Survey Preview: Bi Guys Do Have More Fun

Survey Preview

I have gotten a lot of support for the survey, and I have already learned a lot about bi guys from looking at the wide range of responses I got. I do not want to release the results yet, since I am still trying to get more representation for certain groups, but I did want to share one result that has made me really happy.

While I was thinking of questions for the survey, I asked Jay whether he would still pick to be bi if he could choose between bi, gay, or straight. Apparently, that was an easy question for him- he said he would definitely still want to be bi. I thought that would be his answer, but I also thought he would have to think about it a lot. After all, he has complained about the many trials and tribulations of being a bi male: women don’t want to date you because they think you’ll cheat with a man; men don’t want to date you because they think you’re gay and not ‘out’ yet; one of the doors on your car doesn’t unlock automatically any more (What? Bi men have to deal with this too. I mean, it’s not caused by their sexuality, but it’s still an issue…) Point being, I was pleasantly surprised that Jay was so certain he would still pick to be bi if he had the choice.

I asked him why, and he said, “Come on, it’s way more fun to be bi.” Can’t argue with that.

So, you can imagine that I was equally please when I looked at the survey results, and saw that so far the overwhelming majority of guys who participated  would still pick to be bi. How awesome is that? #worthit

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Bisexual Guys Survey is READY!!!

Screen Shot of Survey

One of the things I’ve wanted to do, ever since I started dating Jay and had trouble finding information about bi guys, is conduct a survey of bisexual men. This would be soooo helpful. It would show that everyone is different, and it would answer a lot of the questions straight women (and gay guys… and straight guys, and lesbians, and bi women, and everyone else) have about bisexual males.

I have FINALLY gotten the survey up, with help from a few other ladies, and with help from Jay (who really wasn’t that helpful. He contributed like ONE question). I would LOVE it if all my bi male readers would take the survey.

Click here to take it!

It’s anonymous, so please answer honestly if you can. When I get enough responses, I am going to share some of the findings, in the form of colorful charts and graphs.

Some of the questions are a personal, some are totally naughty;  if you don’t want to answer something, leave it blank. You can also write ‘fuck you sydney’ in the comment box if I’ve made you uncomfortable and you want to express your anger.

I really think this will be helpful, and lift away some of the mystery that surrounds bisexual guys.

Please take the survey, and PLEASE send it to any other bisexual guys that you know. Also, please offer suggestions on how I can find other bi guys to participate.

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Full Version of Conversation w/ Reader

Some of you may remember when an angry reader invited me to call him on the phone, so he could condemn my relationship with a bi guy. I posted a video summarizing our conversation. Unfortunately, he accused me of altering and misrepresenting our conversation, to make myself seem more favorable, and insisted I post the ‘real’ version, showing what really happened

I apologize if my summary was inaccurate. I shortened the conversation, and only showed key points, but I don’t think I was misleading. Out of fairness to this person, this is the original version; you can decide for yourselves if I was fair or not.

I want to once again express my love and support for the gay community. I know that it is very difficult for men to come out as gay, and I wish that no gay man would ever feel pressured to act straight or hide his true identity. I also understand that a gay man who has managed to embrace his own sexual orientation might resent a guy who is not strong enough to do that and ‘pretends’ to be attracted to women. But I have to insist that there are bisexual men who are genuinely attracted to women as well as men, and it is very hard for them to hear that just because you were never really bi, that they must be the same as you. That’s as hurtful as when straight men claim that being gay is a choice- just because they are attracted to women, that means that you are just ‘choosing’ to be gay? Of course not.

Every needs to understand that just because someone’s sexuality is different from their own, it doesn’t mean that any sexuality is less legitimate.

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Why Do People on the Internet Hate on Bi Guys?

Continuing my long-winded rant on how bisexual men face discrimination and misunderstanding, I’d like to address the next problem I have with the way the internet portrays bi guys.

Curious about what having a bi boyfriend would mean, I continued searching the web for information. After “The Study” and the monogamy issue, the next thing I found was unofficial opinions of women (and some gay men) about why they would not date a bisexual guy. Women on message boards said things like “Gross”, “Ew”, and “Nasty.” Some said they needed a ‘real’ man, and any guy who’s given a BJ or taken it up the butt just isn’t man enough anymore. And to these women I say… Fair enough. If something just grosses you out, you can’t help that, and its fine. You’re not obligated to be attracted to anyone, and if the thought that a guy had fooled around with other men means you cant get turned on by him, that’s fair.

PLEASE do not jump on me and tear me apart. It might sound mean to say these women have the right to be grossed out, but I’m sorry they do. Women who are turned off by the thought of man on man action can’t control what turns them on any more than a bi person can control the fact that both genders turn them on. Some people are turned off by BDSM, some people are turned off by lovey-dovey romance, and some people are turned off by the thought of two dudes getting it on (I don’t understand these people, but whatev). 

Beyond the turn-off factor, some women were afraid of the fidelity issues. They thought even if their guy tried to stay faithful, the he would eventually crave dick, and that was just too much of a risk. This is stupid in my opinion. Not to sound insensitive, but if you marry a straight guy, you’re probably still going to get cheated on. Sorry y’all. And I guess if what you’re afraid of is your husband fooling around with another guy as opposed to a woman, than yeah a bisexual dude probably isn’t for you.

I think many bisexual guys can and do stay faithful. I dunno. What do you guys think? Jay hasn’t cheated on me so far… at least I assume he hasn’t. He’s not here with me right now, so for all I know he could have another guys dick down his throat… but I just feel like he doesn’t. I’ve been cheated on by 2 straight guys so far, and not one of them was able to hide it very well. Truthfully, if Jay cheats on me (with a guy or a girl), it won’t be the end of the world, just like it wasn’t the end of the world when those straight guys cheated on me. (It was the end of THEIR world, but that’s another story…) Fear of being cheated on wouldn’t stop me from dating a bi guy any more than a straight guy.

A couple women said it was “hard enough” competing against other women, now they have to “compete against guys too? No Thanks.”

Seriously? Do you realized how few gay guys there are? The number of people you have to “compete” against increases only marginally if you throw gay guys in as well. There are literally like nooo gay guys, and a MILLION girls. Your bi guy is statistically way more likely to cheat with a girl, when you think about it. 

OR, he may not cheat at all! Many people do cheat at some point, regardless of orientation, but there are some people who never cheat, and I certainly think a bi guy could be one of those people.

The best way to deal with fears about fidelity would be if everyone were open and honest about these issues. Girls should be honest with themselves about the fact that they aren’t really protected from being cheated on just because they are with a straight guy. And bi guys, you should be honest about what you want; some of you don’t want to commit to only one gender You should also remember that your desire not to be monogamous isn’t entirely a result of your sexuality. After all, many gay and straight people also desire open relationships. But be truthful about it! Yes, some girls will dump you on the spot. Sorry. But eventually you may be able to find someone who really gets you. Some girls are into man on man action; wouldn’t it be cool to find a girl who will let you mess around with guys if you, I dunno, let her watch or something? Or maybe you could find other bi guys and have some awesome three ways. Imagine being understood and accepted! Imagine not having to sneak around and clear your internet history, and not having to worry about being caught with another guy. If you want to sleep with men and women, be truthful about it! I don’t understand why anyone would try to hide that, and commit themselves to a life of stress, misery, and never being fulfilling with what they really want. Just tell the truth!

This would give bi guys who do want to be monogamous the chance to be truthful about that, and be believed. Some bi guys are totally able to commit to one person, and give up the other gender. They see it like giving up tallness if you marry a short person. And it’s so terrible that so many women assume a bisexual man will want or need to sleep with men too, even though that’s just not true. Ladies, lots of bi men are great boyfriend and husband material and want to commit totally to you and be the faithful man you always dreamed about. Give them a chance! 

Since we’re on this topic, I would love to hear from women and gay guys on whether they would consider dating a bi guy. Please feel free to respond with your answers!

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