Why Do People on the Internet Hate on Bi Guys?

Continuing my long-winded rant on how bisexual men face discrimination and misunderstanding, I’d like to address the next problem I have with the way the internet portrays bi guys.

Curious about what having a bi boyfriend would mean, I continued searching the web for information. After “The Study” and the monogamy issue, the next thing I found was unofficial opinions of women (and some gay men) about why they would not date a bisexual guy. Women on message boards said things like “Gross”, “Ew”, and “Nasty.” Some said they needed a ‘real’ man, and any guy who’s given a BJ or taken it up the butt just isn’t man enough anymore. And to these women I say… Fair enough. If something just grosses you out, you can’t help that, and its fine. You’re not obligated to be attracted to anyone, and if the thought that a guy had fooled around with other men means you cant get turned on by him, that’s fair.

PLEASE do not jump on me and tear me apart. It might sound mean to say these women have the right to be grossed out, but I’m sorry they do. Women who are turned off by the thought of man on man action can’t control what turns them on any more than a bi person can control the fact that both genders turn them on. Some people are turned off by BDSM, some people are turned off by lovey-dovey romance, and some people are turned off by the thought of two dudes getting it on (I don’t understand these people, but whatev). 

Beyond the turn-off factor, some women were afraid of the fidelity issues. They thought even if their guy tried to stay faithful, the he would eventually crave dick, and that was just too much of a risk. This is stupid in my opinion. Not to sound insensitive, but if you marry a straight guy, you’re probably still going to get cheated on. Sorry y’all. And I guess if what you’re afraid of is your husband fooling around with another guy as opposed to a woman, than yeah a bisexual dude probably isn’t for you.

I think many bisexual guys can and do stay faithful. I dunno. What do you guys think? Jay hasn’t cheated on me so far… at least I assume he hasn’t. He’s not here with me right now, so for all I know he could have another guys dick down his throat… but I just feel like he doesn’t. I’ve been cheated on by 2 straight guys so far, and not one of them was able to hide it very well. Truthfully, if Jay cheats on me (with a guy or a girl), it won’t be the end of the world, just like it wasn’t the end of the world when those straight guys cheated on me. (It was the end of THEIR world, but that’s another story…) Fear of being cheated on wouldn’t stop me from dating a bi guy any more than a straight guy.

A couple women said it was “hard enough” competing against other women, now they have to “compete against guys too? No Thanks.”

Seriously? Do you realized how few gay guys there are? The number of people you have to “compete” against increases only marginally if you throw gay guys in as well. There are literally like nooo gay guys, and a MILLION girls. Your bi guy is statistically way more likely to cheat with a girl, when you think about it. 

OR, he may not cheat at all! Many people do cheat at some point, regardless of orientation, but there are some people who never cheat, and I certainly think a bi guy could be one of those people.

The best way to deal with fears about fidelity would be if everyone were open and honest about these issues. Girls should be honest with themselves about the fact that they aren’t really protected from being cheated on just because they are with a straight guy. And bi guys, you should be honest about what you want; some of you don’t want to commit to only one gender You should also remember that your desire not to be monogamous isn’t entirely a result of your sexuality. After all, many gay and straight people also desire open relationships. But be truthful about it! Yes, some girls will dump you on the spot. Sorry. But eventually you may be able to find someone who really gets you. Some girls are into man on man action; wouldn’t it be cool to find a girl who will let you mess around with guys if you, I dunno, let her watch or something? Or maybe you could find other bi guys and have some awesome three ways. Imagine being understood and accepted! Imagine not having to sneak around and clear your internet history, and not having to worry about being caught with another guy. If you want to sleep with men and women, be truthful about it! I don’t understand why anyone would try to hide that, and commit themselves to a life of stress, misery, and never being fulfilling with what they really want. Just tell the truth!

This would give bi guys who do want to be monogamous the chance to be truthful about that, and be believed. Some bi guys are totally able to commit to one person, and give up the other gender. They see it like giving up tallness if you marry a short person. And it’s so terrible that so many women assume a bisexual man will want or need to sleep with men too, even though that’s just not true. Ladies, lots of bi men are great boyfriend and husband material and want to commit totally to you and be the faithful man you always dreamed about. Give them a chance! 

Since we’re on this topic, I would love to hear from women and gay guys on whether they would consider dating a bi guy. Please feel free to respond with your answers!



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15 responses to “Why Do People on the Internet Hate on Bi Guys?

  1. I’ve heard women go “Eww!” when thinking about man-on-man sex, believing it to be disgusting if a guy sucks cock and takes it in the back door… even though some of those same women also suck cock and have been known to take it in the back door as well. Hypocritical? Sure it is.

    I find it interesting that all this talk about being monogamous and faithful are both things that women are greatly concerned about – but women are like that even when the guy is straight. If she’s worried about him craving cock, nothing she’s gonna be able to say or do is going to make him stop craving it… but I can see how a guy’s craving could make a woman feel, like her and her stuff ain’t good enough for him… and that’s probably not even close to the truth but once women (in particular) get going on this train of thought, trying to change her mind about it is almost impossible.

    In my own life, I’ve seen this behavior. I had a girlfriend who was totally grossed out because I suck cock and, of course, she asked me why and then asked if I didn’t like the way she did it. I tried not to laugh – and failed – but I answered her last question by saying, “First, it’s not about some guy doing it to me – it’s about me doing it to them and, second, if I didn’t like the way you did it, I wouldn’t let you do it.”

    Then the first question’s answer was, “Well, why do you suck dick?”

    She said, “Because I like it.”

    I said, “Well, there you go – you just answered your own question.”

    She just didn’t get it; like a lot of women, she thought that my being bisexual had something to do with being displeased with her… but she was also like a lot of women who, upon finding out I was bi, demanded that I stop being bi and even telling me that they should be enough.

    They didn’t get it either – but if you’re wondering where all the ‘hate’ is coming from, I’m thinking it’s mostly from women. There are guys who don’t like bi men but their dislike is for very different reasons.

    I’m not saying that what the naysayers are saying about some bi guys isn’t true; sadly, it can be… but the mistake here is assuming that ALL bi guys behave the same way – and we just don’t. As I like to say, we might be bisexual… but we’re not total idiots; we know which side our bread is buttered on.

    Having said this, if we wanted to date or sleep with another man, we have two choices: A fellow bisexual or a gay man. I have had gay men not want to sleep with me just because I have a woman (and one who thinks I’m totally cool because I’m bi); they feel slighted, as if as a man, I’m not supposed to like girls. We get slammed by straight women, a few bi women (weird, huh?) and by gay men because their perception is that something’s wrong with us, we can’t be trusted, can’t make good husbands and fathers and all that other crap you’ve probably heard by now… but the truth is very different… and the naysayers just don’t want to hear the truth.

    • Yes,this is very insightful. I’m particularly interested in your phrase “she was also like a lot of women who, upon finding out I was bi, demanded that I stop being bi and even telling me that they should be enough.”

      How do you demand somone stop being bi? Of course you can insist they only sleep with you. You could also force them to stop watching bi porn. You could make them feel really guilty if you think they are looking at someone of the same sex. You could even become the bi-thought-police and follow them around saying, “You’d better not be thinking about any bi stuff.”

      I dunno though… I still think they’d be bi underneath all that. I mean, I still think I’m striaght even if I’m not DOING straight stuff…

  2. C

    I did do that for a very long time, so I’m gonna say yes, infidelity with other men was never an issue for me. 😀 Interestingly, I asked around about this same question a short while ago. I only got comments from women and shockingly some of them bi women, and they pretty much all said the kinds of things that you were saying – that they would be insecure and think that he would be prone to infidelity. What absolute rubbish! And very disappointing to hear bi women say such things.

    • You know what is kinda funny (in a sad way)? The fact that Jay is bi makes me LESS insecure. I only realized this yesterday, but its true. He was telling me how he ran into a girl he knew from highschool, and they caught up and got coffee (annoying right??). He seemed to think it was just a friendly reunion, but I know how girls think; they dont get coffee with just anyone. For a moment i was wondering if she was cute or smart or blonde (I always wonder if people are blonde; probabl some kind of inferiority complex) Then i thought “eh, whatev, chances are if she knew he was bi, she would stop these little flirty coffee dates real quick.”

      So yes, I agree its pretty much rubbish; I mean when you think about it this way, people who are insecure could consider actively TRYING to date bi guys, considering the above example.

  3. rafael

    Sydney I feel so bad for you, you have no dignity nor respect for yourself as a women nor to the gay community, your manipulating an insecure gay men to live a fake bisexual lifestyle which I find to be atrocious, I’m 100% gay n secure, pray to god everyday for s healthy monogamous relationship wit another man but I’m hurt n insecure do you want to kno why? Because of manipulating dirtbags like you, dat think u have so much credibility in society and use it to seduce n manipulate gay men, reality check , I can guarantee you men overpower his thoughts n desires n da fact he is with you is for pure convenience, embedd in your head ur just a shield, so many straight men outhere and u want to pursue a gay man? Are you kidding me? If u got something to say here is my number (xxx-xxx-xxxx) (number removed during comment approval; the commenter should contact me if he would like the number to appear to the public).

    • Hello Rafael. I appreciate you sharing your opinion on my blog, and for speaking to me on the phone. I disagree that Jay is gay; he’s bisexual and likes both men and women, though in different ways.

      I find it odd that people doubt the existence of bisexuality. Jay has dated men, and in those relationships, he still watched porn based on women and fantasized about women. He even convinced a male partner to have a three way with a woman. Why would a gay man do that? As a gay man, do you ever watch porn focusing on vagina? Do you EVER fantasize about having sex with women? If you were having sex with a man, would you try to convince him to bring a woman- WITH A VAGINA- into the bed room?

      My guess is no, because gay men REALLY do not like vagina. (In fact I suspect any gay readers are uncomfortable with how many times I just used the word vagina).

      Any way, Jay is not gay, he is bi, meaning he likes dick and vagina.

      • unknown

        This is why I hate bisexual guys, a gay man is never good enough for them, of course he would try and convince his ex to have a three way with a woman, what’s the point of having a relationship with a gay man if he’s just going to want and fantasize about women

      • Fair enough- you’re not obligated to date bi men if you don’t like the fact that they think about women. And you’re definitely not obligated to date someone who would want a three way with a women. Keep in mind that not all bi men do this though. I suspect there are many bi men who can have a relationship with a gay man and never request a three way.

  4. andygeorge73

    While I do agree that anyone has the right to be grossed out by whatever… I do think that maybe people just aren’t as educated as they could be… Sexuality is very natural… all sexualities. We find homosexuality and bisexuality is almost all species on the planet. For people who say things like “it’s not natural”… nature seems to disagree with you.
    What an interesting post. I loved reading it and it seems you yourself have a lot of big and varying opinions. Excellent post! 🙂

  5. I read Rafael’s comments and not meaning to disrespect him, but I found it funny because it’s an argument that, as a bi man, I’ve heard from gay men for longer than I care to remember. Instead of being offended, it mystifies me; I mean, hmm, what is it that makes gay men believe that a man can’t like pussy and dick? But the question is really rhetorical because I learned that there are some people who firmly believe that you either like pussy (be straight) or you like dick (be gay) and there is no middle ground – it’s just weird that they can’t see that said middle ground does exist; it has always existed but that “choose one or the other” mentality continues to be rather persistent.

    Amazing that some people can’t accept the proof that’s right in front of them. Now I’m gonna check out the post where you talked to Rafael about this…

  6. Pingback: An Amazing Conversation | Kdaddy23's Blog

  7. Interesting … maybe Rafael is just in denial of his own “tri-sexuality” … but that’s just my crazy noodle ticking.

  8. Jessica

    Sydney, I am currently dating a bi man. We have been best friends for 9 years and started dating about 3 years ago. A few months ago I found out he was bi when I caught him on gay and bi hookup sites. It had also come to my attention that he was looking at all kinds of porn. We were each others first and I was the first relationship he’s ever had. He opened up to me and told me that during our relationship the year before he had four meet ups with men only one resulting in sex. I was confused and shocked and he said he wanted to know what was going on he had only been with me and he didn’t know what he was. He told me though that all that stopped a year ago (I checked the emails and they really did)and that he knew for sure now that he was bi. I am still unsure about my thoughts on this relationship what he says does make sense. Hell I’m straight and I wonder what dating other people would be like sometimes. However I’ve always loved him and he has always loved me (some people would argue but I know it’s true). I’m still with him now and since hes came out of that dark place and opened up to me we’ve been better than I ever thought possible the sex is better and everything. All my straight friends think its great that I stayed with him. My gay friends however say some of the same things that people have said to you and I just don’t get it. I’ve heard things like “oh he’ll be out of the closet now in a month for sure” Nope it’s been a year and he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. He’s bi and he had to find himself

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