Jay decided it would be fun to go beer tasting, and sent me a text asking if I would be interested. I’m not really a fan of beer, and it was always my understanding that “tasting” was the worst part of the beer experience, while being drunk afterwards was the payoff. So I sent Jay a text back saying something like “Please don’t be offended, but I’d rather taste other stuff, including things that aren’t edible like glue or tree bark.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t send the text to Jay, I sent it to Janice, a friend that I have fallen out of touch with. So when I showed up at Jay’s house a few days later, he was under the impression that we were going beer tasting. (It was then that I looked back at my phone and saw the mistake. I wondered why Janice hadn’t responded, asking what the heck I was talking about. I guess she has learned to ignore my nonsense, like most of my friends have.)
I was mildly annoyed about the beer tasting, because what it really meant is that I would have to follow Jay around, make sure he didn’t get into trouble, and then drag his ass to a cab when he was too drunk to handle such simple tasks. I’m not a fan of baby-sitting drunk Jay. I’m usually pretty good at controlling drunk guy friends because I’m freakishly strong for a girl. For example, my friend Max is 6’3” and I can give him piggy back rides if he’s too inebriated or tired to walk (I’m not even joking). Max, however, is a lazy sack of crap whose athletic activities consist of “surfing” (standing on the beach with a board and trying to hit on girls) and driving manual transmission cars. If I need to physically overpower him, it is in the realm of possibility. Jay on the other hand is an actual athlete- at least he was until graduating from college last year- meaning if he sets his drunk mind on something, very few people can overpower him, except for, perhaps, other division one athletes. I learned this lesson the hard way when, on the way home from a bar, Jay decided to hassle a crack head who was minding his own business, doing crack head things. It took another guy friend and myself to shove Jay down the street, even with my freakish girl strength.
I made sure to whine a little bit on the way to the beer tasting, just in preparation for the debacle it was sure to be.
“Why couldn’t we go taste something else?”
“Like what?” he said.
“They have hot-wings here,” he said.
That was a game changer. Hot-wings instantly take any situation from miserable to completely tolerable, and from tolerable to freaking awesome. So the first thing we did was stand in line for wings, and then eat them huddled around a small table. The entire time, Jay was saying, “Come on! All the beer’s gonna be gone,” and I was shouting, “Don’t rush me!”
Aside from the hotwings, not much about the beer tasting was particularly memorable. We tasted beers; that was pretty much it. Jay told me all about the colors and the flavors and subtleties of the beers, but I didn’t really appreciate what he was talking about. Some one who cares more about beers probably would have loved it…
I know this blog is called, “So I’m Dating This Bisexual Guy” so I feel like I should say something on topic. But nothing bisexual happened at the beer tasting (and why would it?). The closest thing was that we both stopped to watch a group of guys dressed in sailor costumes dance in front of a DJ booth. #Hot. Also, every time we went to taste a beer, Jay made me get a different flavor and drank mine too, and I almost made the joke, “Wow, you really like to have it both ways.” But I didn’t say it because I wasn’t sure he would appreciate that kind of humor. I really don’t know if he likes to be teased about his sexuality. Honestly I still haven’t tested the waters because I’m too scared.
Overall, beer tasting is pretty uneventful, and has very little to do with sexuality- unless you count the fact that it reminded me of a brilliant plan: One of these days I’m going to get Jay really drunk and ask him all the important questions like “If I had a penis but looked like a girl, would you still like me?” and “Have you ever thought about one of your guy friends in a dirty way?” But these are all questions for another day because beer tasting didn’t get him quite drunk enough 😉