Monthly Archives: November 2013

Straight Boys Who… Maybe Also Like Boys a Little Bit??

For those of you who are sincerely concerned about my personal life (no one), you can all breath a sigh of relief because Jay and I got over our little fight and are back together. I know. I know. Such a relief.

Now, on to more interesting topics: straight boys who… maybe also like boys a little bit?? (Stay with me, and you will see how this is different than bisexual boys)

A while ago, I asked Jay if he knew any other bi guys. He knows a lot of gay guys, but seriously, it was a legit thing to wonder; is he the only bisexual guy that he knows?

He thought for a moment and said, “…I mean, technically no. But I’ve met people where I… suspected.”

He elaborated about these people that he ‘suspected’: Straight friends that clearly liked women, but got a little too friendly when drunk- especially ones that seemed particularly curious about his sexuality.

I was fascinated by this response, mostly because it supports my theory that there are more bisexual guys than we know about. I mean, think about it. So many gay guys try so hard to be straight, especially when they are young (high school, anyone?). Many of them end up admitting that it was a lost cause because they were just 100% gay, and there was no way they could deny it. But what about the ones who… aren’t 100% gay? I think that when it comes to guys, the ones who are mostly straight, or even a little bit straight, will just sweep any same sex desire under the rug and go about their lives as beer drinking, sports watching, vagina fucking bros. Because what kind of guy is going to admit he’s not straight unless he absolutely has to? Really confident ones like Jay might, but most guys are little babies and will be happy to take their straight card and run with it.

When Jay explained why he thinks there might be some sneaky bi guys masquerading as straight guys, I listened, but I didn’t tell him why I had independently formed this theory as well. But I am going to tell you guys. To put it simply, I’ve… heard some things that make me think some ‘straight’ friends might not be quite as straight as they hold themselves out to be.

For example, a group of my girl friends were gossiping about this guy that I was distantly acquainted with (lets call him Dave). Dave, the girls, and some other guy friends were all at a party together (I was not there), and apparently Dave was chatting with some guy who was known to be gay. Then later in the evening, Dave disappeared. The girls (and whatever other guys they were with) went looking for Dave, and my friend Gwen had the luck to open a bedroom door and find Dave with his dick in the gay guy’s mouth. She was stunned and confused, and closed the door and staggered away. She also told everyone else what she had seen.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have said anything. But whatever I was drunk.” Gwen explained.

Dave admitted that he had allowed this other guy to suck him off, claiming he was just curious and figured a blow job was a blow job. And he was drunk, of course. The next day, when people prodded him about his sexuality, he got defensive, insisting he wasn’t attracted to men, and that accepting a blow job didn’t mean anything. By that night, he denied that it had happened at all.

“But it did happen?” I asked Gwen.

“I mean, yeah it did. I saw it right in front of me,” she said. “I backed him up and told everyone I was just kidding about it. But I saw it as clear as day.” At that point, there were only a few of us listening to her story, so I guess she didn’t feel bad admitting the truth to just us.

My friends seemed to settle on the idea that Dave was straight and just really wanted a blow job. This was because Dave had made many attempts to try to hook up with them, had actually hooked up with Kate, and had even dated another of our friends who was not present at the moment.

“He’s definitely straight,” Kate insisted.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed. “I’ve seen him every time we go out. He’s always trying to pick up girls.”

I kept my comments to myself, but it bothered me a little that no one entertained the idea that this guy was bisexual. It sure seemed that way to me. Clearly he preferred women, but people had even mentioned a few other times where he’d seemed a little too interested in men.

***

There was another incident that made me suspect some ‘straight’ guys might in fact be bi guys, and this one involves a guy that I used to hook up with a while ago.

So, I was hooking up with this guy, but we also had a relatively pleasant friendship. We weren’t exclusive or anything like that, and I suspected he was more into me than I was into him. Eventually, I told him we should call off our hook up relationship; I didn’t tell him why, but the truth was that I could tell he was getting too into me, and might end up getting hurt when I didn’t feel the same way. He seemed like he was fine with it, and was down to still be friends. A week or so after that conversation I offered to drive him back from this party because I was the DD (as usual) and he was sloppy as hell (as usual).

When we got back to his place, he was sort of just sitting in my car.

“I have to tell you something,” he said. “Last week after you told me we weren’t going to hook up anymore, I made out with Sarah Davids.” (Obviously this is not the girl’s real name).

“That’s fine,” I said.

“You’re not mad?”

“No… we weren’t dating. And I was the one who broke it off. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

He continued, “I was worried that if you found out, you wouldn’t want to go out with me. But that was stupid because I know you don’t want to go out with me anyway.”

Then he started sniffling. Drunk boy crying.

I sighed and said, “I have to say, Sarah was probably a mistake. Because you hate her, and you have been trying to convince her that you are never going to be into her. And kissing her probably undid a lot of that work,” I said.

“I know…” He sobbed.

Oh boy, I thought. I stay cool under pressure, but crying guys stress me out. Even if it’s drunken nonsense.

“So you’re not mad?” He sniffled.

“No…” I said. For some reason I felt like he had something else on his mind, and I’m usually right when I get these feelings.  “It seems like there’s something else you’re not telling me.”

“You’re good at that,” he said. “I also made out with Danny Porter.”

This one caught me off guard. This was before I was familiar with male bisexuality, so hearing this just… confused me. Hugely.

“You… made out with Danny Porter?” I repeated. For a moment I wanted to follow this up with ‘Are you gay?’ But somehow I knew that wasn’t the right question. I knew he wasn’t gay.

“Why?” I asked. I know it sounds stupid, but it really was the thing I wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head, sniffling more.

“How did that happen?”

“We were just in the back of the car, and Sarah was passed out next to us, and Taylor (the driver) went to see if Sarah’s roommate was home. And I just looked at him, and I knew he always wanted to kiss me, so I just did it.”

I should mention, Danny is openly gay and has not been secretive about the fact that he has a big crush on my friend. It is also worth mentioning the two of them have always been really good friends.

I took a moment to process this information. “You just kissed him because… you thought he wanted you to kiss him?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I knew he was having a bad day because Matt Fisher (another gay guy that Danny is competitive with) got picked over him for [academic competition]. And I know Matt has also always really wanted to kiss me, and it would just make Danny’s day if he got to kiss me and Matt will never be able to.”

We sat there in the silence of my car.

“Why did you tell me this?” I asked. I wasn’t upset that he told me, I was just curious why he picked me over someone else.

“I don’t know. I wanted to tell someone.”

“Did you like it?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Not really. Maybe. It was just a kiss, I’m not attracted to him. I just wanted to see what it would be like.”

This was a legitimate reason to kiss someone, in my opinion. I think it’s the reason a lot of girls kiss other girls; they just want to see what its like. But for some reason its less okay for guys to wonder what it’s like to kiss another guy, and even less okay to try to find out.

I don’t know if my friend is bisexual or not. I do know that he hooked up with a couple other girls after me, had a serious girlfriend for a while, and is now back to hooking up with random girls. I don’t think he has ever done anything else with a guy.

The reason I bring it up at all is that I’m the only person who knows about this guy’s foray into same sex experimentation (aside from the gay guy he kissed). He only told me because we were pretty close, and he thought I’d be understanding about it. He definitely would not have told any of his guy friends, and if he had been sober, he probably would not have told me. Furthermore, if we were actually dating, he probably would not have told me, for fear of ruining the relationship. If we’d been less close (just friends who had never hooked up) he probably would not have revealed such personal information. The point is, I think when these sorts of things happen, we generally never find out. Guys tend to be very protective of their heterosexuality, and if they are curious, experimental, or (god forbid) actually bisexual, they probably try to keep it under wraps.

I never told Jay this story about my friend; mostly because I was worried Jay would start speculating about which friend it was- and yes I realize Jay could be reading this blog (and, Jay, if you are, let me give you a hint; 1) it’s not Max and 2) you will never figure out who it was).

In conclusion, we, as a society should stop giving guys so much crap about not being 100% straight. We should make the world more comfortable for guys who want to reveal that maybe they are mostly straight, but have a little bit of curiosity. Or even a lot of curiosity.  Guys are terrified to reveal any same sex interest or experimentation because they think they are the ONLY one who’s ever done something like that, and that girls will drop them instantly because there are millions of other ‘straight’ guys to choose from, and why would she take a chance with a guy who’s not totally cemented in his sexuality, and blah blah blah. But guess what? Ladies, if we blacklisted every guy who has ever done anything experimental with another guy, we would be ruling out a lot more guys than we think.

Bi guys, curious guys, experimental guys, heteroflexible guys, straight guys who’ve maybe just kissed another dude one time- come out, come out wherever you are!

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Debate About Revealing a Partner’s Bisexuality

I assumed that it was 100% public knowledge that Jay was bisexual. When we first met, he told me he’s very open about it. I assumed that meant it didn’t matter if I told other people about it, but apparently I was wrong, and we got into a little tiff about this. Here’s how it happened…

A few weeks ago, a guy that Jay used to date invited us to this ‘event’ at a club (lets call this guy Brad). At first I thought it was just clubbing, so I was planning to invite a bunch of my other friends. But the more they discussed the event, it sounded like something beyond ‘just clubbing’. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but I managed to gather that there would be men dressed in women’s clothing, so I thought to myself, “Hm, I better not invite all my conservative friends, and possibly freak them out, since I don’t know what this is.”

We went to the event, and it was really fun. People were dressed kinda crazy, but overall, nothing unreasonable was going on. I figured that I’d bring some of my friends next time. In the mean time, the group I was with all took pictures of ourselves having tons of fun, and put them up on Facebook. 

The next morning, one of my best girl friends, Leslie, texted me, saying, “Blah blah blah, why didn’t you invite me last night? Blah blah blah I always invite you…” Yeah. She was pissed. Apparently that venue was somewhere she goes to all the time and loves, and she was really mad that I went there without inviting her. I know. I’m the worst person in the world. Whatever.

I figured I would try to explain that I didn’t plan the outing, and also why I didn’t invite her: Brad, Jay’s ex, this little gay dude, planned it and I didn’t know what it was until I got there.

The problem is Leslie doesn’t know Jay is bi. So that makes explaining his gay ex a little hard. I could have crafted a way around those details, but I figured the story would be easier to tell if I just explained the whole thing.

So I texted Jay and asked if I could tell Leslie he was bi. At first he said, “Yeah, sure.”

Then he added something like, “As long as she wont think I’m actually gay.”

I told him that she would more likely think he was actually straight… I don’t remember the details, but that lead to a discussion of whether she would believe he was bi or not. I admitted I wasn’t sure what she would think, and then Jay said, “Never mind, I don’t want you to tell her.”

“Why not? You tell strangers.”

“Because this is different. It’s your best friend-“ (Jay was wrong about this, Nora is my best friend, but that’s not important to this story…) “And she’s going to try to convince you that guys can’t be bisexual, and that I’m going to end up gay.”

I didn’t see the problem with that. Leslie has tried to convince me of a lot stupider things before (like that putting a caramel apple in a Ferragamo handbag would not ruin the bag [or the apple] if it was only in there for a few minutes). I have no problem fully disregarding advice that Leslie gives me.

However, Jay explained that Lesley’s opinion of his sexuality was not the problem. “The problem,” he said. “Is why you are telling her.”

I was confused. As far as I knew, I was telling her to get her off my back about not inviting her to some stupid club. But Jay thought differently.

“You are telling her,” he said, “For the same reason you told Max and your mom; because you weren’t sure about dating me, and you wanted their advice. And you’re still not sure, so you’re asking Leslie to help you decide whether it’s a good idea.”

I literally rolled my eyes at this. “Listen,” I said. “I never ask my mom for advice; that’s why we aren’t close. And as for Max, he has the good sense not to try to tell me what to do, which is why we are close. I can assure you that telling them about your sexuality had nothing to do with trying to get advice on whether to date a bisexual guy.”

Eventually Jay admitted that he believed me. He explained that he’s had issues in the past with girls blacklisting him because of his sexuality. Fine. Fair enough. Whatever.

But he also explained that I should not have just assumed it was okay to disclose his sexuality. This was very personal information, he explained.

“But its on your facebook,” I argued.

“Well then people can look at my facebook and ask me about it. But you can’t just assume you can go around telling people.”

“Well how am I suppose to know all these rules?” I said.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s no handbook of bisexual men. There’s no ten commandments for dating bi guys,” I said. “How am I supposed to know what I can tell people and what’s a secret? I can’t know what’s socially appropriate when it comes to bisexuality.”

“It’s the same as being gay. You can’t just go around telling people someone is gay.”

“No,” I said. “It’s not. If we were a gay couple, everyone would know just by looking at us, and there would be no need to tell my friends. It is different.”

“I don’t know,” Jay finally said.

********

So here is my question to all you readers out there; what are the rules for disclosing someone’s bisexuality? Is it a faux pas to ‘out’ them? Or does keeping it a secret mean you are ashamed? 

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Bicker Bicker Bicker…

I try not to say anything bad about Jay on this blog. I realize many people are not familiar with bisexual males, and that for some people, reading this blog might be the only exposure to bisexual males they get. I feel I have a duty to portray Jay as perfect, otherwise readers might think things like… “I guess all bisexual men get too drunk at their girlfriends charity Halloween event.” Or “Oh I guess all bisexual men get too jealous about their girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.” And that would be unfair to all the sober, confident bisexuals out there, who don’t do any of these things.

I recently realized, however, sweeping Jay’s faults under the rug might not be the best idea. For one thing, it could encourage the idea that he does not actually exist. (Yes, I have been accused of fabricating Jay.) I mean, if a girl was going to invent a fantasy boyfriend, wouldn’t she make him perfect? Tall, handsome, athletic, funny… Yes, Jay is all of these things, but that’s only hard to believe because I never talk about the ways in which he’s a pain in the ass. He is not perfect. And I cannot take credit for creating Jay; that credit goes to his parents, copulating in the early 90’s.

The other reason it might be good to reveal some of Jay’s faults is that it would show they have nothing to do with his sexuality. For any girls out there, worried about getting into a serious relationship with a bi guy, it might help to know that the things that have made my relationship difficult are none of the things that girls seem to be paranoid about when it comes to bi men. What if he looks at men? What if he watches gay porn? What if I’m not enough for him because I don’t have a dick? What if I have to compete with twice as many people now? I can honestly these things haven’t become an issue between Jay and me. Sorry to disappoint, but the things that will get on your nerves could very well be the mundane things that make relationships suck in general.

There was one more reason that I never told stories about Jay’s annoying behaviors, that’s because it’s boring. Using this blog to bitch about my boyfriend would just be stupid and no one would give a crap or want to read it. I feel like its morally wrong to be that self indulgent. When I write anything (not just this blog) I remind myself “Hey Sydney, no one cares about your stupid problems.” But today I’m going to take on the challenge of writing an interesting, relevant entry about a little fight I had with Jay. Here goes:

It all started Sunday night, when Jay texted me to say he hadn’t gotten a job he applied for. I was appropriately supportive and comforting, telling him he was qualified and that job searches are a long process. But he was in one of his moods, and didn’t want to let it go. He started accusing me of leading him on, and wasting his time by telling him that he was qualified for that job. According to him, I should have told him the truth: that he sucked way too much for that job and he should not have bothered applying. I’m going to pause for a second, and say that I know for a fact this is not what I should have told him, because I (stupidly) have told him that before. And it did not go over well. He was complaining about his grad school aspirations, and I said, “Well maybe it’s not for you.” To anyone less emotionally retarded than I am, what happened next is probably obvious: he had a complete fit and said he couldn’t believe I didn’t believe in him.

So you can see why I tried to be optimistic about this job. Furthermore, I wasn’t being dishonest; he was qualified for the job. They just didn’t hire him. Sometimes that’s how it goes.

Anyway, long story short, we had a nice 2 hour bicker over the phone, and at the end of it, I realized I was exhausted. Not just exhausted by the fight, but exhausted by him. And so I told him we needed to take a break from seeing each other.

Don’t panic, we didn’t break up. I just needed space to work on some things without the emotional drama of a relationship. I also wanted to give Jay some time to reflect on why he has been so moody lately. (To all the haters out there, this is the perfect moment to say its because he’s gay. Go ahead. I’ll wait.)

The truth is I don’t know why he has been so moody- but I can say almost with certainty that it’s not because he’s gay. More likely he is depressed about not having a job, or because he feels like he doesn’t have many friends around here anymore. Who knows. I even suspect it’s because he finds my personality frustrating and annoying, but hasn’t let himself admit that yet. He insists this is not the case, but he could be lying, or he may not have realized it yet.

Point being, it wasn’t the fight that exhausted me. I just realized in that moment that his attitude over the past couple weeks has been exhausting me. He honestly acts like he doesn’t enjoy being around me. He doesn’t talk very much- if I ask him a hypothetical question, just to start a conversation, he answers as quickly as he can to get it over with; or he’ll say something like “I don’t know.” (Me: If you could be any super hero, who would you want to be? Jay: I dunno.) If I don’t start talking, we’ll just sit there in silence. Other times, I’ll be talking about something I think is important or interesting, and at the end, he’ll be looking out the window saying, “I didn’t realize you could smoke on that patio.”

In other words, its like he’s trying to tell me, “I don’t find you interesting. I don’t enjoy being around you. I wish I was somewhere else.” And honestly, if that were true, I would be fine with it. Yeah it would suck a little bit, but I’m really good at accepting when something just isn’t meant to be. Problem is, he insists this is not the case, and that he loves being around me.

Well, unfortunately, regardless of whether he actually likes being around me, I don’t enjoy being around someone who just sits there and makes me feel… disliked. So I decided I needed to take some time to be alone with the best person in the world: me.  In the mean time, he can reflect on what’s going on with himself, and hopefully, when we hang out again, he’ll be the kind of person that makes me feel awesome when I’m around him, rather than someone who brings down the mood.

And for the men out there: Why do guys act like this? Is it me? Be honest. I can take it.

And don’t worry, Jay and I will be back together soon; as soon as I start needing more material for this blog 😉

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The Castro Part II

Don’t click on the video if you don’t want to hear loud Katy Perry music.

(I filmed it on my phone while inside a club in the Castro, just to capture the vibe)

The reason I broke this article into two parts is because I wanted to convey 2 separate messages. The first is that the Castro was fun, and if you haven’t been, you should go. However, this second part will address the fact that Jay and I didn’t really enjoy our visit, for various reasons that should not discourage anyone else from going.

As I explained, it was my idea to go to the Castro, and I thought Jay would like it. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem too enthused about it. The entire way there, he was in a bad mood. At first I thought he was just still mad about how I made him look at the sea lions for what he considered to be “too long.” I didn’t think he was upset about going to the Castro since he complains about how he worries girls will not accept the side of him that likes guys, and here I was being totally accepting.

But as the night progressed, he seemed… grumpy.

After we bought the jacket, Jay complained that he wanted to change out of his sweatshirt and wear his new jacket. He explained that some of the gay guys were judging him because he wasn’t dressed stylishly enough.

“… Bullshit.” I said.

“I’m serious. All these guys keep looking at me.”

“I thought you said they were hitting on you,” I teased. (He had complained a little about how he doesn’t like being leered at by older gay men).

“Some of them are.”

“I don’t see anybody looking at you,” I said. “Nobody gives a crap about you.”

We kept walking, and I started paying more attention to people who passed us. And to my surprise, I realized he was right; people were looking at him. And I was really confused about why. Some of them were probably trying to be flirtatious; I asked Jay how they could tell he was bi, and he said they probably couldn’t.

“I think they’d still be doing it if I was straight,” he said.

Other people were looking at him in a different way. Possibly some of them were judging him, but I really have no idea. A middle aged gay couple passed, holding hands. They were both wearing some pretty sexy coats, and one had an off-white scarf. So freaking stylish. They gave Jay a really quick ‘up, down, up’ kind of look. They seemed strangely curious. I thought maybe they were trying to figure out if he was gay or not… or maybe they were trying to figure out what a straight guy was doing in the Castro… That doesn’t make much sense though; it’s a tourist attraction, and I’m sure plenty of straight guys visit each year. Maybe they were judging his clothing. Who knows.

As Jay changed out of his sweatshirt, I couldn’t help but mumble, “Sure that sweatshirt was fine for me, but now you need a jacket to impress all these gay guys…”

Basically, Jay spent the whole night sulking. He sulked while I was buying a cookie, he sulked during sushi, he sulked while we were trying to decide what bar/club to go to. And then, when we actually went to the bar/club, things got really bad.

At first, I assumed that I would be the one not having fun at a gay club. For example, when we walked up to the door, they didn’t card Jay, they just waived him right in. But the guy literally held out his arm out to stop me and said he would need to see some I.D.

“It’s because he thought you looked young,” Jay said, sensing I was pretty ticked off.

“No,” I said. “It’s because I’m not hot enough to get in without being carded.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh don’t give me that,” I said. “I’ve been clubbing. I know how it works. If you’re hot enough, they’ll let you in no matter what. Clearly, I didn’t make the cut.”

“Well whatever. He doesn’t think you’re hot because he’s gay. He’s only going to let in cute boys,” Jay said.  “This is what guys feel like all the time when they try to go out and have to wait in line and pay cover, and you girls just get to walk right in.”

Indeed, the night turned out to be a complete role reversal; Jay got all the attention, people bought him drinks, the bartenders made them extra strong- all the perks that girls usually get. And yet he still seemed grumpy and on edge.

Then I started to see why he wasn’t a fan of clubbing in the Castro.

A guy came up to us while we were lingering near the bar and started talking to Jay. Where’re you from? What do you do? Are you a student blah blah blah… Then he was giggling and touching Jay’s arm. Then he was asking what we had done in San Francisco so far, and Jay said, “I dunno, we’ve just been walking around the city. This is my girlfriend, by the way.”

“Oh,” the guy said. “So you’re straight?”

“No, I’m bi,” Jay explained.

The guy smirked. “So you’re on your way to gay then.”

“No, I’m bi.”

“Whatever.” The guy walked away.

“This is why I didn’t want to come here,” Jay said to me. “I knew this would happen. People have been judging me all evening, and I hate it.”

Isighed. I still don’t necessarily agree that people on the street were judging him; I think that part was all in his head. Even so, it would explain why he was so tense all night. To make things worse, he was right about the club; people here were definitely judging him. And it got worse as the night went on and everyone got drunker.

Some people would roll their eyes when he said he had a girlfriend, or turn and give me a look of pity, like “you poor thing, can’t you tell your boyfriend is gay?” Other people were just plain mean, saying things like “You don’t belong here,” or “Why don’t you come back when you actually come out.” A couple people said things like “Pretty sure you’re in the wrong club,” which maybe means they thought he was straight; so its not an offensive thing to say, but it’s unfriendly at the least.

A few people were friendly and totally chill about it. We met these guys from… Holland I think, who were really nice. We also talked to this ridiculously hot black guy who had witnessed one of the offensive comments, and agreed that making a bi guy feel unwelcome at a gay club was just uncalled for.

The thing that baffled me the most is that some people said these kinds of things without having any way to possibly know he was bi. I didn’t get how they could tell. Or maybe they couldn’t tell?? Maybe they just didn’t want straight guys there, or maybe they though he was gay and tragically trying to pass me off as a girlfriend… I really don’t understand what they thought our relationship was, or why they were automatically hostile to him. I’m still baffled. I used to go to gay clubs with a gay guy friend, and people seemed to know that he was gay and I was his best girl friend, and everyone was nice to us. I mean lots of gay guys party with girls, so why didn’t people just assume that about me and Jay? Anyway… I have no idea.

So as it turned out, Jay was miserable for a lot of the night, and I on the other hand had a pretty good time once I got past being I.D’ed at the door. The music was good, the guys were hot, and no creepers bothered me, so overall it was pretty fun except for the fact that Jay was getting hated on.

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The Castro, San Francisco Pt. I

Jay has been up in Northern California for a few weeks, studying for an entrance exam. This has been fun because I’ve gotten to come up and visit him on weekends, and see San Francisco and Berkeley. I’ve been to both these places before, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of things to do there; there are so many unique things to experience in both these places!

First day, we went to Berkeley and walked around the campus. I saw a huge spider on an emergency phone; the campus was nice and all, but the spider was really the most memorable part of the day. The next day we went to San Francisco to check out Pier 39. If you haven’t seen it, you should because there are like a million sea lions. I swear. They all crawl up on the docks and just lay there in the sun like the fat lazy creatures they are. They also make a bunch of noise. And in case I haven’t convinced you, Pier 39 also has churros and corn dogs at these snack stands that appear every ten meters. Whatever municipal planner designed this place was a freakin genius. The biggest problem with most locations is insufficient availability of corn dogs, and Pier 39 has solved this problem artfully.

seals

So many fat sea lions laying around on these platforms…

Aside from eat corndogs and watch sea lions, there was one thing I’ve always wanted to do in San Francisco; I’ve always wanted to go to the Castro. And now that I have a bi boyfriend, what better time to go?

The Castro

The Castro is San Francisco’s gay district, and a lot of history has happened there. Basically, it’s a culturally relevant place for many members of the LGBT community. They’ve got a museum of LGBT history, restaurants and clothing stores manned by super hot gay guys (and womanned by adorable lesbians, but I didn’t see as many of them…), LGBT-friendly bars and lounges, sex toy shops, and of course some boring stuff like a Bank of America.

Castro Guide Book, full of  fun stuff that can only be found in the Castro

Castro Guide Book, full of fun stuff that can only be found in the Castro

Example of the clever ads, showcasing the Castro's Gay Friendly attractions

Example of the clever ads, showcasing the Castro’s Gay Friendly attractions

Info page on GLBT History Museum. I wanted to go but it was 10 minutes to closing when we got there, and Jay didn't want to be "those people"

Info page on GLBT History Museum. I wanted to go but it was 10 minutes to closing when we got there, and Jay didn’t want to be “those people”

I wanted to go there with Jay because… I guess I wanted to know more about his gay side (he uses the term ‘gay side’; hope I’m not offending anyone.) He went to the Castro back when he was dating a guy, and he said it was fun, so I was determined to show him he would have fun there with me too. Just because I’m not a gay guy doesn’t mean I can’t go to the Castro; lots of straight people go to the Castro because it’s a tourist destination.

Aside from wanting to measure up to his past flames, I also wanted to go to the Castro to show him that I’m totally accepting of the side of him that’s attracted to men. I’m not sure if he knows this; he might think that I tolerate that side of him, or am willing to ignore it. But I wanted him to know he doesn’t have to sweep it under the rug or put it in his past just because he’s with me. In other words, walking past salon’s that offer “Boyzilian Waxes”, or looking at fliers and posters for events featuring burly nude men in bondage gear doesn’t freak me out.

I was skimming through the pages of my little guidebook, and I asked Jay if he had ever gotten a 'Boyzilian Wax'. He said, "What? No. What are you talking about?"

I was skimming through the pages of my little guidebook, and I asked Jay if he had ever gotten a ‘Boyzilian Wax’. He said, “What? No. What are you talking about?”

And lastly, aside from all those serious goals, I kind of just thought he would have fun. He could look at some cute bartenders, have some drinks, shop, have a nice dinner, – what about that could be not fun??

In some ways it was fun. It was like being in an entire city where everyone was gay- like if Disneyland had Frontier Land, Tomorrow Land, and Gay Land, this would be Gay Land. And let me tell you, Gay Land is a lot better than the rest of this crappy world.

Jay shopped for a new jacket, and it was interesting watching him interact with the sales attendants. Obviously I’ve met gay sales attendants other places, but it always seems like they are under some unspoken contract to keep the flirtation to a minimum. These guys on the other hand were a little more on the flirty side- as well they should be. I feel  any man who comes to the Castro has consented to some amount of harmless flirtation. Watching Jay was interesting though, because it was clear he was used to being hit on by men. He didn’t act all fidgety about it like some of my straight guy friends do.

I was trying to show Jay this cute preppy blazer, when one of the sales guys came up and said, “Isn’t that one great?”

“See?” I said to Jay. “He likes it too.”

But Jay made a face and said, “I don’t like Blazers,” He turned to the sales guy and said, “She only likes it because she has school boy fantasies.”

I was about to punch Jay in the shoulder, but the sales attendant said, “Oh, don’t worry, I have those all the time.” So instead I laughed and stuck my tongue out at Jay.

Overall, as a tourist destination, the Castro was interesting and fun and I highly recommend it.

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