I have gotten a lot of support for the survey, and I have already learned a lot about bi guys from looking at the wide range of responses I got. I do not want to release the results yet, since I am still trying to get more representation for certain groups, but I did want to share one result that has made me really happy.
While I was thinking of questions for the survey, I asked Jay whether he would still pick to be bi if he could choose between bi, gay, or straight. Apparently, that was an easy question for him- he said he would definitely still want to be bi. I thought that would be his answer, but I also thought he would have to think about it a lot. After all, he has complained about the many trials and tribulations of being a bi male: women don’t want to date you because they think you’ll cheat with a man; men don’t want to date you because they think you’re gay and not ‘out’ yet; one of the doors on your car doesn’t unlock automatically any more (What? Bi men have to deal with this too. I mean, it’s not caused by their sexuality, but it’s still an issue…) Point being, I was pleasantly surprised that Jay was so certain he would still pick to be bi if he had the choice.
I asked him why, and he said, “Come on, it’s way more fun to be bi.” Can’t argue with that.
So, you can imagine that I was equally please when I looked at the survey results, and saw that so far the overwhelming majority of guys who participated would still pick to be bi. How awesome is that? #worthit
Let me begin by saying everything I know about Russia is based on watching the show Archer. More specifically, its based on the scene pictured above, where Agent Sterling Archer is running from Russian police, and he rounds the corner and bumps into an old Russian lady carrying two bags of unsanitary looking food. He exclaims to her, “What? You hear machine guns and decide now is a good time to take out the- Oh. Oh, that’s groceries. I’m sorry, I thought it was garbage.” There’s also this part where he sees these kids playing with empty bottles on a roof. Not to mention the entire place is portrayed as dismal and covered with snow.
So yeah, my impression of Russia has always been that it sort of, you know, sucks.
With that in mind, perhaps you can see why I’m not as bothered as I could be about Russia’s anti-gay culture. Yes, it is horribly offensive. No, there is no excuse for discrimination. But… well, if a country is going to make people unwelcome because of their sexual orientation, isn’t it better that it’s a place that already blew anyway? Admit it, it would be WORSE if somewhere like Paris or Barcelona was suddenly afflicted with anti-gay sentiment. I mean, yeah Russia is trying to drive off gay people, but drive them off of what?? Beautiful Beaches? The cutting edge of culinary sophistication? A buzzing metropolis of culture, fashion, and the arts? No! Russia has none of those things! Perhaps, it’s just me, but I always try to see the glass half full.
So my suggestion is, make like Sterling Archer, get the hell out of Russia, and book a ticket to somewhere with palm trees, cigars, and hammocks.
One of the things I’ve wanted to do, ever since I started dating Jay and had trouble finding information about bi guys, is conduct a survey of bisexual men. This would be soooo helpful. It would show that everyone is different, and it would answer a lot of the questions straight women (and gay guys… and straight guys, and lesbians, and bi women, and everyone else) have about bisexual males.
I have FINALLY gotten the survey up, with help from a few other ladies, and with help from Jay (who really wasn’t that helpful. He contributed like ONE question). I would LOVE it if all my bi male readers would take the survey.
Click here to take it!
It’s anonymous, so please answer honestly if you can. When I get enough responses, I am going to share some of the findings, in the form of colorful charts and graphs.
Some of the questions are a personal, some are totally naughty; if you don’t want to answer something, leave it blank. You can also write ‘fuck you sydney’ in the comment box if I’ve made you uncomfortable and you want to express your anger.
I really think this will be helpful, and lift away some of the mystery that surrounds bisexual guys.
Please take the survey, and PLEASE send it to any other bisexual guys that you know. Also, please offer suggestions on how I can find other bi guys to participate.
Problem 1: These cupcakes were not made for you
It’s no secret that the LGBT community faces a lot of issues: discrimination, misunderstanding… deciding whose going to top. It got me thinking: what kind of problems do straight people have? Sure the world can be easier for straight people, but there must be downsides to being straight as well.
So I tried to come up with some. These are not all problems that I have personally faced. And these are not problems that are exclusively faced by straight people. But I think if you took this list around to a bunch of straight people, they would say, “Hey, yeah…that is a true!” I mean, lets face it, being LGTB looks pretty damn fun sometimes, and sometimes we straight people are left out in the metaphorical cold.
- Boring parties. Freshman year of college I was friends with all the gay dudes in my year. I went to every party they threw, and I will tell you, it got CRAZY. They had the best music, and the best dancing. They had leather parties, they had rainbow parties, they had parties where everyone was in camouflage printed underpants, and I wasn’t even sure why. Straight people parties are fine I guess… if you like 80s night over and over again. And it doesn’t end in college. When I was in San Francisco, I saw these posters for some event with burly dudes wearing no shirts (I think it was some ‘bears’ thing). That’s what gay adult men in San Francisco get invited to. Shirtless burly men events. #fun. #awesome. Meanwhile I’m getting invited to a charity auction where the main activity is a trivia contest about the companies that donated to the fundraiser. #thisisnotajoke
- Not realizing that you don’t have to have a baby. Take my parents for example. They probably should not have had kids (they were in no way prepared for how terrible I’d be). But since they were married and had a nice house, kids was just the next step on the straight people path. On the other hand, I think the idea of not having kids has at least occurred to most non-straight people.
- Not knowing what “queer” means. Seriously. Corner a straight person and ask them to define it. Fifty bucks says they get it at least a little bit wrong.
- Not being able to get a tattoo. I swear, this is a thing. A really good gay friend of mine got a tattoo. We were both in the same program at school, and both trying to enter relatively conservative fields. But he pointed out that since he was openly gay, he had already ruled out working for/with extremely conservative people. Therefore the tattoo wasn’t going to do any more damage. I, on the other hand, had to maintain a more uptight persona in the hopes of keeping all my career options open. Blessing and curse, I guess.
- Always knowing who’s going to ‘top’. Spoiler alert, it’s the guy. #Boring. Well, I guess it doesn’t HAVE to be the guy but…We straight people usually don’t get the fun of picking which role we want. And it’s just not fair. That seems like so much fun…
- Not being able to pronounce the word ‘dachshund’. This has nothing to do with being straight, I just happen to know that some straight people can’t pronounce this word. Me, for example.
- Straight Guilt. Think back on all those times in 6th grade when you said, “That’s so gay!” Yeah. You’re an asshole.
- Wondering if maybe you’re not straight, but then having that voice in your head say, “Yeah, nice fuckin try”. Lets face it, most straight people have been at least a teeny tiny bit attracted to someone of the same sex, even if its only, “Oh, she looks really nice in that sweater.” But if that’s all it took to claw your way out of the straight box, then there would be no straight people. And this is when that voice in your head says, “And clearly there are straight people. And you’re one of them. Nice fuckin try.”
- Harder to have sex in a public restroom… probably. I have never attempted this, nor do I want to. But it seems like a same sex couple would have an easier time at least getting into the same restroom.
- Having to go to separate locations for candy and condoms. At my school they have this LGBTQ community center and I swear that place rocks. It’s so nice, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. They have couches to lounge on, pamphlets magazines about LGBTQ issues to read, and postcards advertising upcoming events and parties. On the coffee table, they have this giant bowl of condoms right next to this giant bowl of candy. And it’s the good kind of candy, like snickers and mini crunch bars- the expensive stuff. For straight people, condoms are located at the health center, so you can be reminded of how shitty you are for not getting your flu shot yet. And candy is located at the vending machines. Enjoy not having enough quarters.
So I have these rules where I don’t let myself do recreational stuff until other responsibilities are taken care of. That is the reason this blog was on a brief hiatus last month. I was also ignoring all my blog related emails, planning to get to them later when I started posting again. However, I have decided this was a mistake. First of all, the number of emails I’ve gotten from readers has gone up a lot, and I feel really ungrateful if I put off answering them. Also, when I finally went through them, I realized there were things I really wish I had responded to right away.
So form now on I have a new rule. I’m going to answer emails more promptly. I can’t believe how supportive you have all been, and the least I can do is stay on top of emails.
I love you all. Please keep writing to me. You might think I don’t care what you have to say, but that’s not true at all. My own life is boring and I love hearing about what other people are doing, thinking, whatev.