I don’t like it when blogs apologize for how long its been since their last post. For one thing, its always the same reason: the author was busy with other stuff. For another thing its really not necessary- apologizing doesn’t really undo the fact that you abandon your readers- plus I think a lot of blogs are read after they are created, not contemporaneously to when the articles are actually published. So what you’re really doing is annoying some future reader who is scrolling through your articles at a steady clip, and has to pause for a brief, annoying little detour into your life and why you were so busy. Lastly, these apologies for not posting y take away from the quality of the blog, forcing you readers to make the jarring transition to a topic they did not sign up for. For example, my reason for not posting is that I had a really sick internship over the summer. But this blog is not called “So I’m Interning at This Really Sick Internship…” and I’m sure you all do not want to hear about that (though I feel that could be an equally interesting blog). The only reason I bring it up at all is because I want to point out that I am not going to forget about this blog. I am very committed once I decide to do something, so if I don’t post for a while, give it a few weeks, and I promise I will come back… Basically, I am begging you all not to abandon me!
So, back to the important stuff. Jay does lots of entertaining things that are worth reading about. But, like any boyfriend, he also does some stuff that is kind of obnoxious. And the truth is I always have a dilemma over whether I should write about those things here. I mean, there aren’t very many bisexual guys, so I worry that his behavior will be attributed to the entire community. It’s not like he’s king of all bisexual men (though he would probably love that), but since there are so few of them, that definitely makes him some kind of ambassador or something. If he does something bad, people might just assume that all bisexuals do bad stuff. This is how I know he will (probably) never cheat on me. I mean can you imagine? People would say “Well of course he cheated on you…” He doesn’t want to perpetuate that stereotype, so I figure I’m pretty safe in when it comes to cheating.
Unfortunately this logic does not protect me from bad behaviors that are not bisexual stereotypes. He doesn’t want to become the “cheating” bisexual but he doesn’t seem to have a problem being the “eats all the chorizo and doesn’t save any for his girlfriend” bisexual. (Not to mention that he bought chicken chorizo from Whole Foods. What next? Soyrizo? If I’m not careful he’ll be trying to feed me vegetables…) Anyway, I’ve done a bit of thinking. People always whine about bisexuals cheating, but in my experience, they mostly do other bad stuff:
- Always want to watch Breaking Bad or The Wire instead of South Park
- Buy the gross kind of orange juice with too much pulp (Seriously who likes that kind??)
- Never want to go on a Ferris wheel (We’ve been to two places with awesome Ferris Wheels, and he just refuses to go on them. He says its a waste of money. But what does he care if I waste my money?)
- Turn the air conditioner down way to low; I swear, like he’s trying to store perishable food products or something.
- Ask to put stuff in your purse. Keys. Cell Phone. Wallet. Ray Bans. So. Heavy.
- Always say “Let’s just walk…” (seriously, it can be a place that’s 5 miles away and he thinks it will be a leisurely stroll . Sorry but not all of us were collegiate athletes)
- Promise to have no beers at all, and consider it a success to only have four (this actually happened and it was actually four)
So I hope it’s clear this is a joke. Obviously Jay’s sexuality does not have any impact on his orange juice preference (I think???) Point being, just because one person does something bad, doesn’t mean everyone else will. Some bi guys will cheat. Some bi guys will turn out gay and admit they never liked vagina at all. Some bi guys will l like the gross kind of orange juice. But others won’t do any of these things, and find totally unique ways to annoy and entertain you.