Straight Boys Who… Maybe Also Like Boys a Little Bit??

For those of you who are sincerely concerned about my personal life (no one), you can all breath a sigh of relief because Jay and I got over our little fight and are back together. I know. I know. Such a relief.

Now, on to more interesting topics: straight boys who… maybe also like boys a little bit?? (Stay with me, and you will see how this is different than bisexual boys)

A while ago, I asked Jay if he knew any other bi guys. He knows a lot of gay guys, but seriously, it was a legit thing to wonder; is he the only bisexual guy that he knows?

He thought for a moment and said, “…I mean, technically no. But I’ve met people where I… suspected.”

He elaborated about these people that he ‘suspected’: Straight friends that clearly liked women, but got a little too friendly when drunk- especially ones that seemed particularly curious about his sexuality.

I was fascinated by this response, mostly because it supports my theory that there are more bisexual guys than we know about. I mean, think about it. So many gay guys try so hard to be straight, especially when they are young (high school, anyone?). Many of them end up admitting that it was a lost cause because they were just 100% gay, and there was no way they could deny it. But what about the ones who… aren’t 100% gay? I think that when it comes to guys, the ones who are mostly straight, or even a little bit straight, will just sweep any same sex desire under the rug and go about their lives as beer drinking, sports watching, vagina fucking bros. Because what kind of guy is going to admit he’s not straight unless he absolutely has to? Really confident ones like Jay might, but most guys are little babies and will be happy to take their straight card and run with it.

When Jay explained why he thinks there might be some sneaky bi guys masquerading as straight guys, I listened, but I didn’t tell him why I had independently formed this theory as well. But I am going to tell you guys. To put it simply, I’ve… heard some things that make me think some ‘straight’ friends might not be quite as straight as they hold themselves out to be.

For example, a group of my girl friends were gossiping about this guy that I was distantly acquainted with (lets call him Dave). Dave, the girls, and some other guy friends were all at a party together (I was not there), and apparently Dave was chatting with some guy who was known to be gay. Then later in the evening, Dave disappeared. The girls (and whatever other guys they were with) went looking for Dave, and my friend Gwen had the luck to open a bedroom door and find Dave with his dick in the gay guy’s mouth. She was stunned and confused, and closed the door and staggered away. She also told everyone else what she had seen.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have said anything. But whatever I was drunk.” Gwen explained.

Dave admitted that he had allowed this other guy to suck him off, claiming he was just curious and figured a blow job was a blow job. And he was drunk, of course. The next day, when people prodded him about his sexuality, he got defensive, insisting he wasn’t attracted to men, and that accepting a blow job didn’t mean anything. By that night, he denied that it had happened at all.

“But it did happen?” I asked Gwen.

“I mean, yeah it did. I saw it right in front of me,” she said. “I backed him up and told everyone I was just kidding about it. But I saw it as clear as day.” At that point, there were only a few of us listening to her story, so I guess she didn’t feel bad admitting the truth to just us.

My friends seemed to settle on the idea that Dave was straight and just really wanted a blow job. This was because Dave had made many attempts to try to hook up with them, had actually hooked up with Kate, and had even dated another of our friends who was not present at the moment.

“He’s definitely straight,” Kate insisted.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed. “I’ve seen him every time we go out. He’s always trying to pick up girls.”

I kept my comments to myself, but it bothered me a little that no one entertained the idea that this guy was bisexual. It sure seemed that way to me. Clearly he preferred women, but people had even mentioned a few other times where he’d seemed a little too interested in men.

***

There was another incident that made me suspect some ‘straight’ guys might in fact be bi guys, and this one involves a guy that I used to hook up with a while ago.

So, I was hooking up with this guy, but we also had a relatively pleasant friendship. We weren’t exclusive or anything like that, and I suspected he was more into me than I was into him. Eventually, I told him we should call off our hook up relationship; I didn’t tell him why, but the truth was that I could tell he was getting too into me, and might end up getting hurt when I didn’t feel the same way. He seemed like he was fine with it, and was down to still be friends. A week or so after that conversation I offered to drive him back from this party because I was the DD (as usual) and he was sloppy as hell (as usual).

When we got back to his place, he was sort of just sitting in my car.

“I have to tell you something,” he said. “Last week after you told me we weren’t going to hook up anymore, I made out with Sarah Davids.” (Obviously this is not the girl’s real name).

“That’s fine,” I said.

“You’re not mad?”

“No… we weren’t dating. And I was the one who broke it off. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

He continued, “I was worried that if you found out, you wouldn’t want to go out with me. But that was stupid because I know you don’t want to go out with me anyway.”

Then he started sniffling. Drunk boy crying.

I sighed and said, “I have to say, Sarah was probably a mistake. Because you hate her, and you have been trying to convince her that you are never going to be into her. And kissing her probably undid a lot of that work,” I said.

“I know…” He sobbed.

Oh boy, I thought. I stay cool under pressure, but crying guys stress me out. Even if it’s drunken nonsense.

“So you’re not mad?” He sniffled.

“No…” I said. For some reason I felt like he had something else on his mind, and I’m usually right when I get these feelings.  “It seems like there’s something else you’re not telling me.”

“You’re good at that,” he said. “I also made out with Danny Porter.”

This one caught me off guard. This was before I was familiar with male bisexuality, so hearing this just… confused me. Hugely.

“You… made out with Danny Porter?” I repeated. For a moment I wanted to follow this up with ‘Are you gay?’ But somehow I knew that wasn’t the right question. I knew he wasn’t gay.

“Why?” I asked. I know it sounds stupid, but it really was the thing I wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head, sniffling more.

“How did that happen?”

“We were just in the back of the car, and Sarah was passed out next to us, and Taylor (the driver) went to see if Sarah’s roommate was home. And I just looked at him, and I knew he always wanted to kiss me, so I just did it.”

I should mention, Danny is openly gay and has not been secretive about the fact that he has a big crush on my friend. It is also worth mentioning the two of them have always been really good friends.

I took a moment to process this information. “You just kissed him because… you thought he wanted you to kiss him?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I knew he was having a bad day because Matt Fisher (another gay guy that Danny is competitive with) got picked over him for [academic competition]. And I know Matt has also always really wanted to kiss me, and it would just make Danny’s day if he got to kiss me and Matt will never be able to.”

We sat there in the silence of my car.

“Why did you tell me this?” I asked. I wasn’t upset that he told me, I was just curious why he picked me over someone else.

“I don’t know. I wanted to tell someone.”

“Did you like it?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Not really. Maybe. It was just a kiss, I’m not attracted to him. I just wanted to see what it would be like.”

This was a legitimate reason to kiss someone, in my opinion. I think it’s the reason a lot of girls kiss other girls; they just want to see what its like. But for some reason its less okay for guys to wonder what it’s like to kiss another guy, and even less okay to try to find out.

I don’t know if my friend is bisexual or not. I do know that he hooked up with a couple other girls after me, had a serious girlfriend for a while, and is now back to hooking up with random girls. I don’t think he has ever done anything else with a guy.

The reason I bring it up at all is that I’m the only person who knows about this guy’s foray into same sex experimentation (aside from the gay guy he kissed). He only told me because we were pretty close, and he thought I’d be understanding about it. He definitely would not have told any of his guy friends, and if he had been sober, he probably would not have told me. Furthermore, if we were actually dating, he probably would not have told me, for fear of ruining the relationship. If we’d been less close (just friends who had never hooked up) he probably would not have revealed such personal information. The point is, I think when these sorts of things happen, we generally never find out. Guys tend to be very protective of their heterosexuality, and if they are curious, experimental, or (god forbid) actually bisexual, they probably try to keep it under wraps.

I never told Jay this story about my friend; mostly because I was worried Jay would start speculating about which friend it was- and yes I realize Jay could be reading this blog (and, Jay, if you are, let me give you a hint; 1) it’s not Max and 2) you will never figure out who it was).

In conclusion, we, as a society should stop giving guys so much crap about not being 100% straight. We should make the world more comfortable for guys who want to reveal that maybe they are mostly straight, but have a little bit of curiosity. Or even a lot of curiosity.  Guys are terrified to reveal any same sex interest or experimentation because they think they are the ONLY one who’s ever done something like that, and that girls will drop them instantly because there are millions of other ‘straight’ guys to choose from, and why would she take a chance with a guy who’s not totally cemented in his sexuality, and blah blah blah. But guess what? Ladies, if we blacklisted every guy who has ever done anything experimental with another guy, we would be ruling out a lot more guys than we think.

Bi guys, curious guys, experimental guys, heteroflexible guys, straight guys who’ve maybe just kissed another dude one time- come out, come out wherever you are!

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “Straight Boys Who… Maybe Also Like Boys a Little Bit??

  1. Sydney, if I had to guess, I’d say that maybe 40% of the guys I’ve had sex with were straight guys who either wanted to find out what it was like or were under the influence. To some guys, a blow job is just a blow job and it doesn’t mean anything other than an interesting way to get one’s rocks off. To others, well, ya can blame it on the alcohol but I know booze is a CNS depressant and one thing it does is lower inhibitions or, as the saying goes, “A drunk never lies…”

    I’ve suspected that a few of those guys were latently bi – you had to get them lubricated to the right level for it to be seen but it was there just the same and, yeah, all after the fact, I’ve had them say to me, “I don’t want you to think I’m attracted to you or anything…”

    Even you mentioned the A-word a couple of times and it’s not that a straight guy is gonna have any qualms about letting another dude suck him – they don’t want to appear to be attracted to the guy because if that’s assumed, then the other assumption will be that he’s secretly gay – but not bi, which would be more like the truth.

    And, yeah, if women DQ’d men for experimenting, there’d be a lot of guys sitting on the bench because at some point, we all try it (although I know guys who said they never did – but not many) just like it’s reasonable to assume that all girls try it to some extent as well.

    The world is so locked into boy/girl things that making the joint comfortable for anyone who might not be 100% straight just ain’t gonna happen in our lifetimes – there’s too much fear and prejudice for this to be a reality in the here and now. I know a lot more men are giving in to bi moments, eschewing any attraction but simply stating that a blow job is a blow job no matter who gives it and, yeah, there’s a lot of truth in that. They can get head, give head, fuck and be fucked and not have their masculinity threatened one bit because just like any bi guy will tell you, it’s just sex and good sex is wherever you find it… even if your partner du jour needs to shave ’cause his beard tickles too much.

    As you know, us guys have this image we do our level best to maintain – all macho, all the time and admitting to giving in to moments of gay sex ruins this image for a lot of us. Still, as in the above paragraph, more men are learning that we can still be insufferably macho even though we’re no longer particular about who might be sucking our dick, like the current thug mentality that pervades the inner city.

    It’s all about love and respect for our brothers and sisters… but that bonding between brothers is suggested to be so strong and tight that making love to him is, in fact, warranted – and without a loss of masculinity. Indeed, any brother who shies away from this is respected… but he loses some cool points with his thug peers. If you’ve ever heard the saying, “Bros before hoes” then now you have an idea of just how deep this goes: They’d rather have sex with each other than to trust some flighty broad and all her emotional baggage and confusing complexities.

    You wrote a great piece – and if no one else is interested in your life with Jay, I am – you are definitely my kind of girl because you’re trying to understand this thing about your man and not many women are equal to that task.

  2. John

    I think many guys aren’t 100% straight. Or 100% gay. I mean, I’m dating a guy (and I’m also a man – in the closet haha), but I don’t feel really attracted to him – ok, he’s nice and fun but I mean, I’m not PHYSICALLY attracted, I’m not in love at all. I don’t know. I think I just like the easy sex. I know, it’s totally selfish, and I know he’s been in love with me for a while, but I just don’t feel the same way. And yet, I don’t cheat.

    I’ve always been more attracted to girls and sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time with him because I wanted to go back dating girls. I wonder everyday if I should just end it. But I wanted to keep friends. Oh well, drama drama. Haha

    I completely agree with you: there are LOTS of guys who had same sex experiences and aren’t completely guy. Some of them won’t just admit they had the desire to do it or anything. And it’s hard to admit it to yourself either. I once told a (female) friend of mine about me being bi and she just couldn’t believe it. She told the same thing I think to myself: that I’m not bi at all, I just like sex. It’s weird thinking about it this way. It’s like people are just objects. Meh, I’m just sharing my stupid problems.

    • No, these aren’t stupid problems at all. This has been a very interesting comment, and I’m glad you shared this perspective.

      It seems like you might have a similar situation to Jay; he is more physicslly attracted to girls (so he says) but dated guys for a while because he thinks guys are easier to get along with. Plus it was easier to get sex from guys than girls. I think that’s one of the reasons jay and I get along- in a lot of ways I have a ‘guyish’ personality.

      And truthfully, if you are mostly straight but you like sex enough you are willing to get it from a guy, then that’s fine too. I think everyone should be able to express themselves sexually however they want, without having it define them as a person. :-/ just my opinion

      • WD

        The last sentence is a very good point. We are SO into labels. On top of that society wants us to be on one “team” or the other but I don’t think we humans are designed that way really.

  3. disconcerted72

    Hi!
    I’m new to your blog and couldn’t help but comment on this post. I can tell you, as a 41 year old man that has just recently accepted his own bisexuality, I can’t begin to tell you how close to home this hits. I spent a number of years denying who/what I am. Growing up, in a ultra-conservative fmaily, I didn’t understand my self or my feelings or my attractions. When I had my first sexual experience with another male, I didn’t understand it…because “being gay is wrong”. So, to see someone make reference to guys that are probably bisexual but do not know it or realize it, is extremely helpful to me to be able to look back on my life and think “Gee, I wasn’t wrong…I just was.”

    Thank you!

    • Thanks so much for your comment, and for explaining your own experience. I honestly think it helps every time someone shares their perspective; maybe some kid will read your comment and realize that they relate to it.

      • disconcerted72

        Well, I’ve decided to take a step in that direction. I began my own blog to divulge my thoughts and rationalizations in accepting myself. Again, I’m glad I came across your blog…it’s inspiring to read.

  4. Naa

    Hey Sydney!

    I’m a straight girl who is completely in love with her bisexual boyfriend of a year. Its been hard for me because I was raised in a Christian household with a family that is not very accepting or understanding of the GLBT community. When I first met T (my boyfriend)at the start of college, I resisted so hard because I felt like I would be judged and be seen as less of a woman by those who know about his sexuality and its A LOT of
    people. But he pursued me DESPERATELY for months and eventually, I gave in to what my heart was telling me all along.

    I’ve grown to care a lot less about what people think about our relationship because we love each other. And its so hard, especially when you add in all the other factors that, as you said, make relationships suck.

    I almost want cry while I write this because I’ve been looking for support from girls in the same situation as me. Thank you so much for this blog because I think I’ve finally found the support I need 🙂

  5. DHSC

    Hey!

    I came across this blog right after my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me because I’m ‘heteroflexible’. When she found out, she was OK at first,-as she said-but as weeks passed by, she became very fearful, anxious and jealous. I tried my best to make her feel secure, but I think deep down inside she couldn’t accept a partner that turns his head for a dude. Anyway, I hope to find a girl like you. Someone who is open minded and accepting. Jay is a lucky guy.

  6. i’m a straight female and i just started hanging out with a guy who i have a crush on and i found out he’s bi (he told me) and i wasn’t upset, but i just wanted to understand more without having to ask him everything about it right away. i’m so glad i found your blog! it’s put me a lot more at ease about things. idk if we’ll date or not, but reading your experience makes me feel a lot better about the possibility! i really hope you keep blogging and sharing stuff! it’s helping me so much!

    • Thanks so much! I really hope this blog has been showing everyone that dating a bi guy is pretty similar to dating any other guy.

      I’ve been really busy lately but I have a lot to write about, so definately check back ^_^

      Hope everything works out with your friend!

  7. Reblogged this on JerBear's Queer World News, Views & More From The City Different – Santa Fe, NM and commented:
    I found this post, as well as others on this blog, very interesting. Bisexuality does not get into the news as much and there hasn’t been much reliable research about male bisexuality so this disscusion is a welcome one.

  8. An interesting read! I’m convinced there’s no such thing as 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual; the human mind doesn’t work like that. Everyone sits somewhere the middle and moves around throughout their life – some move around a lot, some not much at all. So for people to describe themselves as ‘completely’ straight/gay is a bit narrow-minded. All in all, it really wouldn’t surprise me if there were lots of guys and girls like the ones written about here as it’s all part of human nature 🙂

  9. RainyWriter

    I just stumbled upon your blog … and I’m not sure if I have anything relevant to add to the conversation … except to say that your writing was enjoyable to read. The way you phrase things … it was done in such a non-judgmental fashion. Your curiosity about this issue seems truly out of curiosity with no agenda other than to learn. And that made this such an enjoyable read. 🙂

  10. There are some really good posts here above.

    I just stumbled on your blog too. Very interesting and somewhat familiar. There is no one type of male bisexuallity. I can tell you from my experiences as a mid 40s male who is just very sexually adventurous. I consider myself straight mostly, but heteroflexible. What I mean by that is I am ONLY romantically interested in women. I love women and all their parts….yes, some have a lot of emotional baggage and require a bit of work to get laid and don’t often want to just “get off” together without a date/foreplay or sensitive stuff. Not to say that is all bad, but it’s not necessary for us guys all the time. I love foreplay as much as anyone. But there aren’t many women you can call up on a whim and say “Hey wanna come over for a BJ?”

    I love looking at females, smelling, touching, licking, talking to etc etc. I am in no way emotionally or physically attracted to men (in general, in clothing, on the street passing by etc). I have my man crushes on actors/musicians/athletes, but it’s not a sexual thing, just idolization for their talents and expression that I covet. I’m not sexually interested in my guy friends. However, I do fantasize about sex with guys and have partaken on many occasions with guys of different persuasions. I’m very particular though. I only get turned on by a mans rock hard dick…and it has to be a nice one at that! (some are fugly). I have to be aroused to touch another man and in the mood for it. I also have to be naked and stimulated by porn or something else at the time (another female even). Just seeing a naked man isn’t enough (ie: locker room). We both have to be aroused and ready to go. In my encounters…they have varied from just getting a BJ or HJ from a guy and nothing else, random glory hole BJ, to 69, just giving a BJ, getting fucked a few times, fucking once (not really my thing and it was a threeway with a bicurious couple) to all out bi threeways (MFM). I’ve had sex with str8 and bi couples. Just because I’ve had bi experiences doesn’t necessarily mean I want to touch/be touched by a given guy in any situation either. There are times I really crave sucking a mans cock…and other times were it has no interest. I have never kissed and never want to kiss another man. That repulses me. Even if it was acting for a movie and being paid, I would have a hard time with it, yet I could more easily suck his dick. Strange, I know.

    Of late, I really love anal penetration with toys, and more and more thinking of trying anal with a man again, but I know I am not gay. I don’t really even truly consider myself bisexual in the way most men would. It’s not either or when it comes to relationships and romance/emotional connections. It always will be women for me. I do sometimes just want a BJ or to give one though without the hassles of getting one from a woman.

    I’ll add that my curiosity originally came from my desire to want to feel what a woman felt on the receiving end. When I watch porn I think about being the woman a lot. I envy women’s bodies and the attention they get as sex objects. I watch a woman suck cock and wonder how it feels in her (my) mouth. I dream about being able to suck my own dick (who doesn’t?). I dream about wearing lingerie (I have and do). I dream about being fucked (I’ve tried a few times…not always great, but once was mind blowing). I dream about cum shooting down my throat or on my face or about servicing multiple men at once in a gang bang (haven’t done that). It’s very physical and carnal as you see. I hope my vulgarity is not obtrusive, but this is just me being honest…and explaining that all “bi guys” are not the same….we are not all confused.

    I also like to get massages from men 1) because they are usually free 2) because they admire my body/cock openly 3) they never have qualms about giving me a happy ending. 4) I feel good after and it doesn’t dent my wallet. I prefer female massages, but those are fewer and further between and cost $$.

    I’ve had relationships where I kept all these things a secret, but was faithful. I’ve had others where I shared them with partners and got different reactions from both ends of the spectrum. Some were put off, some intrigued, some indifferent, and some ended up participating with me and another man. It’s hard to gauge how a woman will react and if you really love that person, you don’t want to lose them or have them think differently (badly) of you. To this day I haven’t told my current partner about it (she knows of other kinks and taboos). I really don’t know how she would react. I have made a habit of telling the previous women I was with, but in a way, I end up feeling like they might./have looked at me as less of a “man”. The stereotypes are hard wired in America and 70% of people assume you are gay and won’t admit it, have Aids/STDs, or can’t be faithful. I know bi guys who’s wives let them go have man dates and aren’t involved at all….still others wives don’t want them playing behind their backs, but are ok with it if they are there with them.

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