Halloween Begins

Freshman year of college, I made friends with this gay guy who lived on my floor. He liked to brush my hair, put make up on me and take me to parties to showcase his amazing work. He would say, “See, doesn’t she look nice when she tries?” And all his friends would nod in agreement and pet my hair. It wasn’t long before I knew all the gay guys in our year- right down to who was a top and who was a bottom (I never asked for this information, they just seemed eager to talk about it). I also learned very quickly that partying with them meant buying a lot of costumes. Every party was a theme party- 80’s night, military, winter wonderland, and don’t even get me started on Halloween.  

Halloween was like the high holiday of 2nd floor North (the wing where my friend and all his buddies lived). They all planned how they were going to spend the night weeks in advance, and it was generally agreed that anyone who went to a party with no celebrities, had failed at Halloween. My friend got an internship with a promotional company, and used it to get us into a party that Paris Hilton was making an appearance at (this should help you estimate my age; I was a freshman in college when people were starting to no longer give a shit about Paris Hilton). To put it lightly, Halloween was a big fucking deal.  

Now that I’m dating Jay, I couldn’t help but wonder whether he would care as much about Halloween as the gay guys of 2nd Floor North. I sometimes make mental notes of when he seems more straight versus more gay, and I was waiting to see where he would fall when it comes to Halloween.

Well… much to my disappointment, he acts like all the big lame straight guys I know in regards to Halloween. The topic came up when we walked passed one of those temporary Halloween costume stores a few weeks ago (Halloween Spirit or something??).  

Me: What are you going to be for Halloween?  

Jay: I dunno.  

Me: What? Why not?  

Jay: It’s still September. It’s not like I spend the whole year planning my costume. Why? Do you know what you’re going to be?  

Me: I haven’t made the final decision yet, but I’ve been considering various options and I’ve narrowed it down to three. I’m actually way behind schedule, and it’s stressing me out.  

Jay: You are such a spaz!  

Me: Well, what were you last year?  

Jay: I didn’t dress up.  

I almost had a heart attack (and I feel like the gay guys of 2nd floor north probably also sensed a disturbance in the force, knowing that somewhere, someone had just said they didn’t dress up for Halloween). What kind of person doesn’t dress up for Halloween? You only get a limited number in your lifetime, why would you waste one of them??  To make matters worse, Jay revealed that as a child he repeated many of his costumes, for example he wore his “Scream” villian mask several years in a row.

Jay said that if I wanted him to dress up as something this year, he would. He even offered to do something matchy, but I immediately refused. I hate couple costumes. However, I did ask him to go with me to Max’s Halloween party. (Max also takes halloween very seriously; another reason we are best friends).

“Well, what do you want me to be?” Jay asked.  

“I don’t care. I’m not going to tell you what to be,” I said. “Halloween is an opportunity for self expression.”  

“… You take this holiday too seriously.”  

I did ultimately make some suggestions. Since Jay was going to be my date to Max’s Halloween party, I wanted to show off a little bit. Max and I are competitive, and I wanted to rub it in his face that I’m dating someone hotter than the person he is dating. Normally, I would be mature about these kinds of things, but Max has it coming since he did something to really tick me off a few weeks ago… but that is a story for another day.  

Stay tuned as Jay and I work out our Halloween costumes 🙂

Also, I’m curious to hear what you all are going to be, or what your favorite Halloween costume was (or both!)  

-Sydney S.



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5 responses to “Halloween Begins

  1. disheartened bi guy

    ” I sometimes make mental notes of when he seems more straight versus more gay….Well… much to my disappointment, he acts like all the big lame straight guys I know in regards to Halloween”

    That seems like a poor caricature of bisexuality. Talents, hobbies, and interests aren’t indicators of if one is more “gay” or more “straight”.

    Sexuality is not implicitly linked to a selective set of hobbies, mannerisms, or culture. I think there are certainly cases where individuals don’t come out because they don’t want to be linked to those stereotypes. And those stereotypes of what a straight or gay guy acts like are really hurtful. Can’t I like/do/be whatever I like merely because I am a human being, and not have it be contingent on sexuality.

    I like you blog. A lot. But this was really disheartening. Maybe I read it the wrong way. I don’t know. But I thought this blog was a more evolved perspective on male bisexuality. : (

    • I fully agree with you; we should all be free to act however we want regrdless of what stereotypes are assigned to our gender or sexuality.

      I struggled a lot with this post becuase I knew it would sound like I was stereotyping people. I tried very hard to keep it about gay guys *that i know* and straight guys *that i know*, and not stereotype those groups in general. In fact in the very quote you referenced, I specified that Jay acts like the “lame straight guys I know”- I was trying to keep it clear that I was only comparing him to people that I have previously observed, and not speaking about the entire population of straight guys. Any time I said gay or straight, I hoped it was clear that I was only talking about my specific set of friends- unfortunately adding that disclaimer any time i said the words gay or straight would make this post cumbersome and extremely hard to read.

      Overall, I have met two types of guys before- gay ones and straight ones. Jay is the first person who doesn’t fit into either of those boxes, and you can’t fault me for wondering where he falls between those two reference points.

      Can I ask you a question? Being a community often involves having a culture- the gay guys I used to party with certainly considered their shared love of halloween to be part of their culture. Do you think that there are any traits that bisexual guys share that bring the community together?

      Thanks for your comment, and I really am sorry if I offended you.

    • BIlly

      @disheartened bi guy:

      I probably didn’t read this post the same way you did; I didn’t find Sydney’s tone malicious at all. I found her descriptions quite tongue-in-cheek and facetious when she wrote that “he acts like all the big lame straight guys I know in regards to Halloween.” Yes, it’s an exaggeration and caricature. It’s supposed to generate some laughs, but it’s not malicious at all. (After all, there’s always going to be some generalization when it comes to comedy)

      I’m pretty sure no one in their right mind would actually think that ALL straight guys held no interest in the festivities of Halloween. I know quite a few (as far as I know, straight) buddies on mine who also coordinate with their friends on costumes when it comes to Halloween. It’s a big deal for them as well. They dress up, go to Fright Fest etc. etc.

      I’m probably also somewhat ‘kinda lame’ when it comes to Halloween. I sometimes dress up, but mostly I don’t put too much thought into it. Ironically, this year I might make more of an effort because…(irony alert)…this girl I’m interested in and a bunch of my friends/colleagues (pretty good mixture, though I think mostly straight?…don’t quote me on this though) are thinking of coordinating costumes. And I kinda got excited about the prospect.

      I agree stereotypes can be harmful, but not always.

      @Sydney: re: your question about bi-culture. I think there might be some defining aspects of biculture, but it’s most likely going to be very muted compared to the LG part of the acronym. Why? Bi guys (and prob bi girls too) are still more likely to be discreet or in the closet. It’s just easier to blend in with either the LG part of the world, or the rest. Trying to stake out your own land separate from everyone else is TOUGH. So most take the path of least resistance. You like the Patriots, craft beers and computers? Or do you like Glee, Cher and One Direction? It’s hard to blend interests and keep a consistent group of friends/company.

      I’d like to think I take a more ‘sexual orientation neutral’ approach in life. I’m involved with some cultural interest groups, a lot of non profit volunteer groups, professional interest groups, some stuff in the arts—but not always the stereotypical ‘gay’ fields like musical theatre. (For the record, I’ll go to a musical if someone drags me, but I generally don’t have too many typical ‘gay’ interests…other than the biggie. Umm…I like guys)

      I like my hometown baseball and bball teams and beer as much as many of my buddies. So I meet most of my friends/new people in my life through these associations. Many are straight, a few are gay, there are prob some bi’s (I hope more than I think/know?) but so what? I prefer it this way. (P.S. I’m probably giving out a lot more info about myself here, but I don’t really care haha) Still, this ‘neutral approach’ doesn’t mean it’s bi culture. I just do the things I’m interested in.

      Sure, I’ve told some friends, and at this point in life, my rule is I’ll eventually tell any potential partners/interests before it gets serious, but I have no intention to blast the news to any and everyone. It’s awesome that more people are open about it–tell me about any one you know who’s bi? I’d love to meet some just to justify my own existence. The more the merrier.

      But the fact of the matter is it’s tough to meet fellow bi’s, let alone form any coherent culture. I know a few people who are bi–they’re still mostly closeted and are people I met online. In a few cases–small number–we’ve become friends (and nothing more) in real life. It’s nice to know that we exist and I’d like to think I can be there for support if they ever need me.

  2. @Billy, thank you so much for your comment, and especially for sharing so much information. I think a lot of people might be wondering what bi guys are actually like (unfortunately many people have not met one/don’t know they’ve met one), and your post definitely sheds some light on the topic.

    And I agree, it would be great if all the bi guys in the world could get together and be friends, and find out what they have in common and don’t have in common. (I can’t help but wonder how many bi guys like craft beers. Jay loves craft beers…)

    • BIlly

      I love craft beers. Haha. Whiskeys and beers are my usual drinks of choice. Though occasionally I’ll indulge in an Appletini 😀

      Also, my bet is that most people have met someone (or more likely, multiple) people who are bi. They just don’t know it.

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