While I was writing the title of this post, I realized I may have made up the word “non-monogamy”. But you know what I mean.
When last I left off, I was lamenting how the existence of male bisexuality was questioned as recently as 2005. Think about it: How upsetting was that for guys thinking they might be bi in 2005? They must have been really confused, being told it wasn’t possible. If research was claiming bi men didn’t exist, what did those guys think they were? I like to imagine they knew deep down that the research was wrong, but that is pretty bold.
After my disappointment with the later disproved 2005 study, I was still thirsty for knowledge about bi dudes, so I continued on my quest. I found that even reputable sites often provided information that was misleading, politically incorrect, or at least confusing. For example, one site suggested that if your boyfriend comes out to you as bisexual, he may want to renegotiate the relationship and ask to see other men. I mean, TECHNICALLY this is true; he MAY do any number of things. But a straight guy may ask to see other women. I don’t understand why everyone seems to equate bisexuality with non-monogamy. Bisexuals don’t have a divine right to open relationships any more than straight people do- Unless, I’m wrong?? (And if I am wrong, I invite bisexuals to please correct me.)
The worst part was, the site said that if your bisexual boyfriend does ask to see other people, don’t say no right away. Srsly? Dude, if you would say no right away to him seeing other chicks, say no right away to him seeing other guys! Bisexuality does not equal infidelity/non-monogamy/open relationships- UNLESS I’m wrong! Maybe I’m wrong… and that would just suck for all you monogamous bisexuals, because people seeking monogamous relationships will mistakenly avoid you.
I feel like the agreed upon standard should be: Generally bisexual people seek monogamous relationships, just like gay and straight people generally do. And SOME bisexuals seek open relationships, just like SOME gay and straight people do. And if this is not the case, maybe we need a new word for people who are bisexual and monogamous, just to avoid confusion with those who are bisexual and need to be involved with both genders at the SAME TIME.
I guess I just figured straight guys don’t usually expect to date two girls at once, so a bisexual guy wouldn’t seek to date two people at once either. When you commit to one person, you forgo other traits, be it blonde hair if you pick a brunette, height if you pick a short person, and penis if you pick a woman. I don’t see how bisexuality changes any of these rules.
Yet had I ever researched the topic before, I would have come away with different, confused ideas about what bisexuality meant. I would probably have gotten the impression that it was standard (or at least common) for bisexual people to sleep with one person of each gender at the same time. And I’m grateful I never did research the topic, because I probably would not have started dating Jay if I assumed his orientation meant he would require two people at once. But he’s not like that at all, and I’m glad I got to know him first. He’s actually a huge fan of monogamy- more so than I am. (I’m one of those people who’s afraid of making things ‘exclusive’ or ‘too serious.’ But Jay, on the other hand, was fairly eager to be boyfriend & girlfriend. )